Why I Feel the Need to Write

[dj category 5]

i feel the need to write
why?
becuase i wake each
and every night
never fully
have slept
never fully have wept
the tears i hold back from you

i sream out your name
i give you my pain
and hope you
know
what i can do with it.

do i take it
ignore it
fling it or
store it
or take it out on a brother
do i wheel it
and deal it
and at certain times steal it,
or do i hide it
deep down from myself, I wonder.

all these effect of the x
the pain of cocaine
and the haze of bongsmoke past
all this lack of true hope
though i never tried dope
it all seems like a carnival
too beautiful to last.

so i put down the things
that inhibits freedoms ring
and i look to the skies and i wonder
when i killed off myself,
put that life on a shelf
will the picture haunt me and remain?

will i ever be able to sleep fully, again?