May Writers Thread

[halcyon]

He knows it's late, 3 in the a.m., maybe four

As he woke up to the silence of the clock

Watching over him as he twisted and turned

Dreaming of her

She was there, he could feel her close

The softness and sweetness of her skin

Radiated a scent comparable to a sirens song

Drawing him closer and closer

Helpless he gave in to her spell

possessed

When he woke up without her

All he could think of was her

Does he call her and tell her?

Or hold onto this treasure in secret?

Nonetheless he wishes she was there

Just like she was in that dream

Instead he forces himself back to sleep

In high hopes that he'll come right back to her

And now a toast to all that is sweet dreams

(and he decides to never tell her)

[IcePrincess2250]

oy vey, well done -- we've all been there, and in reading that i just re-lived one of those nights.

you're very honest. that's fantastic. it makes it all the more powerful.

[halcyon]

April 17th, 5:49 am in a lonely hotel room far away from here....

the longing grew from the moments
where memories were made of voices
breaking the early morning silences
thoughts not being so secret anymore
the non-artificially flavored kind of thoughts
sweetness of not being so alone in the world
where in his heart he feels it's still love
it's when he remembers her being there
and he never healed from losing his best friend

and now another piece of his heart falls away
not crashing into the ground but just disapearing
fading away in the pages of familiar yesterdays
center stage she was dancing once more
only to exit stage right to a weak applause
even if he asked her to stay a little longer
the end result would still be the same

and here he is, a writer scribbling words
in the same early morning silences
building once again his monumental loneliness
hoping that once he falls asleep, whenever that is
that in a dream the longing will once again subside

even if just for a moment

[halcyon]

in the darkness that would appear never ending to those who simply don't know
there she was in the middle flowing slow motion in a real time sea of chaos
lost but found in a late night crossroads of sorts traveled by dreamers and believers
invisible strings comprised of melody and harmony lead to the puppetmaster called song
her in flight movie featuring herself as the poetry being written without paper

those that have never been on a dancefloor will never know that 1000 words don't mean shit

meanwhile, she's continue to go on being enslaved to the rhythms echoing her soul
such is the way of those who give themselves up so they can be free

[halcyon]

if you happen to see him walking about his day down any city street
don't bother to attempt to gain his attention away from his ears
tired of humanity and all it's misleading offerings he's drowning himself
submerged in audio he has his own sanctuary that goes anywhere with him

when old men snuff out the candle that holds the flame of a young girl
and any innocence she had coming into this shithole we call a world
only to satisfy their need to just for once be in control of something instead of nothing
it's completely fucking beyond him why they are given a roof and three meals a day
when they should be locked into a windowless room with the father

what about those that are dying over the greed of high powered corporations
snarling beasts with perpetual blood lust mouth watering jaws that want more
dollar signs never had a scent but if they did these same beasts would never sleep
meanwhile... husbands, sons, wives, daughters, mothers and fathers
all never coming home because they were blown away by a babydoll made of c4
bleeding to death in the dry winds of some sandy shithole covering some oil
but thank god society doesn't want to be uncivilized
and makes sure that the child molesters get there warm bed and cable tv
all while still getting the beforementioned three meals a day

and so if you see him wandering the city streets late at night
ignoring your hand gestures of hello and voices of greetings
it's not you, but only that he has given his heart to music
the only thing that makes sense anymore

[E:go]

It's another bright beautiful day
But the blue sky's bringing me down
Just a little too blue
Bringing visions of you
Secure in the arms of another

[E:go]

Steal my soul
And bottle it up
Keep it til the end of time
Keep it free from sin
Keep it free from temptation
Keep it free from tarnish
by the pleasures that surround me
Steal my soul
For I cannot save it myself

[Shakey]

Another fucking day of confusion and strife.
Why do I continue to live this way.
Perhaps tomorrow will be better, but I doubt it.
Because every day i seems a little harder to hang on.
I don't like to feel this way, but nothing can stop it now.
I know that only one person can save me, and I sure as fuck can;t save myself.
I've been falling for years now, and soon I shall hit rock bottom.
Nothing is left. Nothing at all.
I'm just a shell of a man without a spirit inside.I need a moment with you, to clear out my head.
To you I'm alive but to myself I'm dead.

[Shakey]

Kept it inside....
Never let it out....
Now it's boiling to the surface and I can't control it any longer.
Feels like the only escape is........

Halcium and morphine,
5-methoxy-n, n-dimethyltryptamine,
Psilocybin, mescaline, aspirin, histomine,
Brushite, darvaocet, valium, caffeine, cannabis, and LSD,
Ayahuasca, harmine give it all to me I want it!

Trisolam and xanex, serotonin, mdma, ibogaine, dopeamine,
Gama Hydroxy Butinol, 5-MEO DipT, 5-MEO Amt
Tetra-chloride amino acid, atenolol,
Amanita muscaria,
Boric oxide, arrabinitol, psilocin, and flamizine,
Cylotec and harmaline
Ativan and Dyloxy-5, methoxide
Give it all to me I want it

[halcyon]

if we give it all to you does that mean you'll OD?

[Shakey]

Probably. :yes:

[Shakey]

I don't really want all of those drugs. I don't want to overdose. I don't do drugs at all. It's been a very fucked up 2 weeks for me, I received multiple pieces of very bad news,and friday, saturday, and today i received news that broke the camel's back. Maybe all these things would take the pain away and i just wrote what came to my head. But i dont do drugs.

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

Waking up, moving on
It's another shining spring-time dawn
Ordered new checks with Care Bears drawn
on the cover - yay! Fun!

More of the same, nothing changes
But sometimes life just rearranges
itself on its own, amazing pages
of words written - wonderful ages.

Going out, breath and realize
It's like seeing life anew, thru different eyes
Get up in the morning, just gotta try
To follow life thru, no matter how it lies.

[Shakey]

A.L.R.


I can't recall the last time I slept.
It may have been saturday morning.
I can't forget al the times i've wept.
Living in a state of constant mourning.
Confusion, I don't know what I need to do.
I can't help myself, so could you?
I despise the way you capitalize on all these lies that way you always seem to,
One thing you don't realize......If you were looking through my eyes, then you would want to die.

[Shakey]

Why does all this lovely time seem like such a burden on your side?
Don't you realize that I would give you everything if you would just allow me to stand beside you?
I'm only here to build you up and help you out of this hole.
Only Darkness in you and I, but if I could help you, that would in turn help me.
It's time for your light to shine through.

Captivated....swept away by your spell.

[Shakey]

Everything.

Long.
I`ve Been Running away for far too long.
Afraid of what...........
Afraid of what I know is soon to come.
I may not be much of an example right now......
But I can give you all of my knowledge on how to get along in this place.
right now all I can say.......
Is that I will do the best that I can,
to be a good example of man.
I know one day that You`ll understand.
Cause you deserve everything.....
you deserve the best that I am.
you deserve the best that I am.

It`s So hard
so hard to think about when I was a child
so angry at life
I blamed the world for such a long long time
But Things happened so quickly
some people just go
I needed answers to heal me
I wanted to know how to get by
and now its my turn to say
This is all for you
everything in this world
everything in my world
everything in your world
things wont always go right in this life
theres always changes
we`ll make it
You deserve Everything, You Desrve Everything.

[Louis Riley]

Allright.....heres a game....I'm going to start a story and stop at a certain point. I want you guys to continue the story a bit, then let someone else do the same.


Consciousness slowly returned to him, and with it, pain. His head throbbed with an agonizing regularity, the country's worst high school marching bands having a no-holds barred tournament on the inside of his skull. He heard a throaty, growling groan, then realized it was his own and tried to clear his throat, a thick gob of mucus almost choking him in the process. Having cleared his throat he ran his swollen tongue around the inside of his mouth and contemplated idly if this is what the bottom of a parrot cage tasted like after not being cleaned for a year. As he wondered if his eyes were glued shut or he had simply gone blind, he began to regain feeling in the rest of his body, and was assaulted by countless small aches and pains. Hesitantly reaching up, the man began to rub the gunk away from his eyes and let them open a slit.
Light slammed into his brain, sending lances of pain resounding through his skull. Crying out and gripping his face, the man discovered something smooth stuck to his cheek. Peeling the object away and shielding his eyes, the man examined the banana skin and frowned, wondering where he was, how had gotten here, and more importantly, who he was. As he sat there in what looked to be an alleyway, head thundering like a herd of horses, his sense of smell gradually returned and he winced, looking around to discovering bags of trash, rotting newspapers, and several piles he didn't even want to imagine what they were. The smell quickly beginning to overpower him, the man stood, wobbled, and fell with the fluid grace of a three legged cow, landing heavily on the ground, a used diaper lying open only inches from his face.

[Louis Riley]

no writing games for you....

[LitainCognita]

He lit a cigarette took a long drag and exhaled small little circles into the air. He dipped his finger in each little hole, breaking its already dissipating form. He was still contemplating the events that had occurred earlier that day. Catching what he thought was suppose to be his loyal girlfriend fucking someone else was not exactly on his agenda for the day. He wanted to leave the second he witnessed it, but something made him stay. He watched a man he didn’t know pound into this girlfriend of 5 years. He watched this girl he so love do things that she had never done. After they came, he had left.
‘It’s not what you think’ what kind of a phrase is that anyway? What is it that one should think after such a discovery? His anger started to boil again. He could feel in rise within the pit of his stomach. An anger so intense that strangling Jessica didn’t seem good enough.
He hadn’t planned it that way. He wanted to talk to her, he had waited until Jessica’s secret lover had left the apartment. He confronted her immediately about it and all she could muster was ‘it’s not what you think’. That set him over the edge. He could see himself putting his hands around her neck and squeezing. Her green eyes held that sparkle that made him fall head over heels for her so long ago. Her smooth tanned face went bright red and the veins on either side of her temples began to bulge. She tried to break free, clawing at his face but he could feel each desperate attempt to pry free go weaker and weaker. Finally, her arms went limp. Her eyes still sparkled, as she slumped forward towards him in a drunken like hug. He kissed her lips and set her down on the bed. He layed next to her stroking her soft black hair. He moved his hands down over her body. He could still feel the heat between her legs.
The phone rang three times before Jessica’s answering machine picked up.
“Hey, Jessie it’s Mike. I just wanted to say I had a great time with you today. I am really looking forward meeting up with you tonight. I just wanted to let you know I will be at the Warcliff pub at about 8 instead of 7. See you then.”
What a wonderful opportunity to meet Jessica’s new little friend. John took a last drag from his cigarette, and threw it on the bed. He grabbed a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the bathroom and began to pour in over Jessica’s body. Flames instantly flourished around her hair and clothes. The smell of burning hair over powered the previous smell of sex in the room. John grabbed the gun Jessie kept in her nightstand and made his way out the door. It was time to have some fun with Mike.


I wrote this about a year ago, haven’t really added anything since then.

[Louis Riley]

I wrote this about a year ago, haven’t really added anything since then.


You should, I'd like to read the rest

[Shakey]

I've felt darkness, closing in on me.
Chilling shadows, surrounding me.
I've had the poison leak into my veins and it corroded my heart away.
Bled away, Cut away......
Dark night of my soul. Dark night of my soul.

[empath]

Adam put away his Bible and stared out at the savannah outside his
window. He knew that out there, The Networks crawled slowly across
the earth, like an infection, devouring all the natural spaces,
replacing them with artifice; taking freedom, replacing it with
slavery. They had been left alone out here, in Africa, in the
wilderness, for reasons that he didn't quite understand.

Because there was nothing here worth taking, I suppose. Or maybe
from a sense of nostalgia, a feeling that some unspoiled humans should
be left in their original state. In any case, they were allowed to
remain here, in relative peace.

Sometimes, he saw their planes fly overhead, pilotless drones,
usually. Small, agile, fast and black, like bats. Sometimes they
flew in formations, sometimes not. Either way, their purpose was lost
on him. He supposed they were spying, for some reason or another.
Probably on them, making sure they didn't become a threat that needed
to be eliminated, or integrated.

Today, however, the skies were clear and blue, and there was nothing
he could see that would have been out of place 1000 years ago, or
10,000 or a million, maybe. However long humanity had really been
here. His parents told him 3,000 years, but he'd once found a book
about evolution in one of his friend's houses, and it seemed to make a
lot of sense, too. It explained what was happening out there a lot
better than the bible did. He wondered if the Neanderthals he read
about felt the same way when Homo Sapiens came out of Africa to
replace them.

"Hey, Adam… come outside." David yelled at him from outside his window.

"I can't, I'm supposed to be studying for the bible test tomorrow."

"Oh, you're smart, I'm sure you'll be able to fake it. This is more
important."

"More important than the Bible?"

"Oh yes."

Adam looked down at the Book of Job again. He'd already read it a
bunch of times. Studying it anymore won't really help him anyway.
Besides, it was nice out.

"Okay, before I tell you anything, you have to promise to keep it a secret."

Adam paused. David wasn't the type to do things that needed to be kept secret.

"Look, we're 16 years old, we're practically adults. We should be
able to do things that without getting permission all the time."

Adam looked back at the window to his room. His light remained on.

"Hurry up, these guys can't stay here long. They don't like to stay
in one place."

Adam followed David instinctively as he turned and ran toward out
toward the forest on the horizon. He swatted at the flies that
swarmed around him. The sun was setting, and threw fire across the
sky. The grass came up over their waists. If anyone was more than a
few dozen feet away, they probably couldn't see them against the
background at all.

"The Networks are not invincible," a man was saying as they
approached. He seemed to be irritated. A group of about a dozen kids
from the village was surrounding him, mostly in their late teens.

Two men stood in the center of the circle. A low fire was in front
of them. They wore camouflage that shifted subtly as they walked.
This was the real deal, probably taken from dead Coalition soldiers in
a far off battle.

"But there are so many of them, they so many planes, and tanks, and
bombs. They can see us from space. They probably already know that
you're here… that WE'RE here," one of the questioners said. Her name
was Rachel. She was pretty and had brown hair and freckles, made
light by the African sun. She could also out-wrestle practically any
boy in the village, and had the scrapes to prove it.

"That's true. Information superiority is their main advantage. But
they CAN be fooled. We've done it. You can play them against each
other. That's why you all have been allowed to stay here. They both
want this region. They want EVERYWHERE. But there are bigger fish to
fry for them right now, and the battle isn't worth the reward. But
rest assured, they will come. The minute one of them senses a
temporary advantage, they'll rush in, destroying everything we've
built here. We need to bring the fight to them first, distract them
for as long as possible."

Adam grabbed David's arm. "Oh man, we really shouldn't be here.
THEY shouldn't be here. We have something nice here; they've left us
alone, for whatever reason."

David shrugged him off, "Don't be such a baby," he said, loudly
enough for Rachel to hear it. She turned around, noticing them for
the first time. She smiled at Adam. Adam blushed.

"I'm with you, I want to help." David said, stepping forward. The
light from the fire splashed across the underside of his face.

"Good, step over here with us." David walked over to stand behind
them, arms folded across his chest. "Who else wants to help the
cause? You could save your village."

"Not me, you'll just get us all killed." Adam said, and turned to walk away.

Another of the kids walked in front of him, younger than Adam, but
taller and stronger. "Are you scared of them?" he said. Adam
stopped.

"I just want peace. Not war."

"They're servants of the anti-christ, all of them. We're in the end
times. You know that. We all know that. You read the bible. They
can't win. We're Jesus's chosen people. We have faith. We have
love. They just have machines. They're dead, already."

"Then let them have their death, and we can keep our life." Adam
pushed him aside and walked past him. He wondered if Rachel was still
looking at him, and if she was still smiling.

[Shakey]

I have a few that need to be put out there....so here goes.


Pushing Me Down

We're falling, Throughout eternity.
The clock is ticking, And you're still counting sheep.
You're still half asleep......
There's no one coming!
And there's no way out!
I've been falling!
And it's so far down!
Shrouded, Beneath the vail of tragedy.
When death comes calling, Who will you believe?
Tell me who will you believe...When it's down to you and me?
Will you still stay on your knees?
Pushing me down, breaking me down
There's always something
Pushing me down, breaking me down
Pushing me down, breaking me down

No Name

I'm writing a letter to say, That i'm leaving you...leaving you.
It's always been hard to maintain, No one belevied when they needed to.
Well sometimes somethings are better left alone
I've still got the picture you framed, Theres only memories, momories.
I'm finding it hard to explain, I don't feel anything, anything.
Well sometimes somethings are better left alone.
I was reminded of you today, So I've written this out to say......
That sometimes somethings are better left alone
And when the seasons change
The sun may shine but the darkness will remain
And should my reasons sway
They'll bury me with no name

[Fetterbug]

Caught your glance from a distance
Eyes piercing my skin and
Scratching the surface of my identity

Naked but empowered
I realized how contagious your
Wonderment could be

Who knew it was so easy
To forget the rolling waves of adoration
Emanating from a stranger

[Shakey]

So Maybe I am Bound By Fate.
A Problematic Scarring Induced By Hate.
It Never Seems To All Pan Out.
Is That What All This is About?
You Seemed To Have A Bad Effect.
Your Rules And Contradictions I would Neglect.
Though Not My Fault You Made Me Feel.........
Like My Own Education Wasnt Truly Real.........
Then You Came Right In Tearing Out My Soul.....
How Could All This Loss Be Your Only Goal.........
I`m Left Standing Here, Desperate In The Cold........
Since You Took Your Life, Mine Has not Been Whole.
My life has been one big fucking hole.
So There I Stood, A Scolded Child.
The Reasons Never Questioned, My Pains Been Filed
Inside This Place That Makes Me Feel.
I learned Life Is Unfair And That it Is Very Real.
While You Try To Overcome The Lesson.
Makeing The most Of Those Questions That Just
Keeps Me Guessing.
I`m Looking Longer, Harder, Further Than I Ever Have.
Solitude Breaking Me Down, You Always Seemed Glad.
To Put Me down And Stick Me In That little Pit.
Personal Growth As A child That Mattered Not A Bit.
Then I Became The Person That You Hated Most.
Disrespecting The Father, Son, And Holy Ghost.
A Small Example Of What The Things You`ve Done To Me.
Have Changed In My Life And Changed The Things
I`ll Never Be
I`ll Never Be
Since you took your life, mine has not been whole.
My life is one big fucking hole.

[Shakey]

Let it go.
What's drowning you is slowly drowning me,
You make me suffer to watch your disease.
Trapped in yourself, come release your mind.
Relax, we'll leave this world behind!

You still suffer, still suffering.
You still suffer from this state you're in.
You still suffer, still suffering.
You still suffer from this shit you're in.

Let it go.
Shaded in your world and lost within your sea,
Fade in the shadows, put your trust in me. (You decevive)
You hold your breath underneath your lies...
Confined, you leave the knife inside!

Down low, on the phone, so afraid to be alone.
Shot down underneath, bring me down for what I need.
I cried for you, maybe God could see me through...
I pray every day,you may forgive me for all the sin.
YOU'RE STILL IN MY SKIN!

[Shakey]

And we hide behind,
Lies, anger, Hate that shoo love away.
Build shells of ourselves outside,
It shelters body from cold reigns of reality.

Come on, Step out, of your rind, assemble strength, focus.....

Release and run to me you can never look back to the visions from the past,
they fade and wilt in time.
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I'll turn and walk away.

Eclipse you, Cut you away,
And bleed you, strip you of your states of ain soph aur.
Eclipse you, Cut you away,
I spit up on my plate and I push everything away, From me!

And we sever all ties,
It creates disruption midst circle of friends.
I've become the sacrifice,
Spare your life and leave me to my misery.

Get off the cross, and save yourself, run away, you'll be okay!

Run, now get away from me, if I can get my grip I'll pull you down into
the hell I call my head and you'll never get away!
I sit down in my ugly place and build walls out of fragments from my
past of all the people that I needed and loved that walked away!

You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through, then I'll turn
and walk away.

I walk under the clouds of gray,
Sphere of storms in my head......
I'm trapped again in endless rain.

I divorce the thoughts of you In love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt,
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fuckin' thing!
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony,
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the pastime of jealousy,
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce iniquity in this mother fuckin' bullshit life......
Just want it all to go away.
Just want to run away to die, take it, myself, my life.
Text book fucking mental, off me and pitch me in a hole.

I'll always be your shadow,
And veil your eyes from states of ain soph aur.
I can't be the hero anymore,
I spit up on my plate and then I turn and walk away.
I spit up on my plate and I disrupt the family.
I spit up on my plate and I break the entity.
And I feel your warm sun on my face.....
Separate.
It's always been this way, I push it all away,
From me.

[binger]

I have crept into the light. And I have come to find myself on this island. Penetrating a seed to enlightenment of translucent dreams. Long forgotten. Lullabies. Transparent states of minds. Long after sleep has realtiy become a truth. Reality is just for those that cant handle controled true emotions. To escape from emotions of cradled memories. Sleep awakes those who do not dream. And to find this is to need this. From the mind to the pen to pen to the paper from the paper to the ears of the masses. UNDERSTAND MY OUT CRY. And find the visions that understand life. My soulmind is the laughter that has made you forget about the all in all. Life’s waterfall of tears fogged by reality. Think on your own. Live to live without control or boundaries, rules that regulate time. Is the true demise of are childhood. To grow up is to evolve, but growin has never done a man or woman wrong. If understandin life is to take a step back to succeed in the long run then may the world be burred in a crimson outline of ash. And the mushroom clouds outline the sunsets. Drown yourself in the bottom of an empty shoot glass. Take a puff draw a line. Worries only linger with the passing of time. Cry not for an answer when you can’t face the truth. BUT? UNDERSTAND MY OUT CRY. Understand I would never want these visions to come to true. But to not warn others is the selfish drunken pride of a broken heart. The glass is to full to drop. Open the mind and expand your lungs. This will all be over soon. Reality lies within the truth. Do not pride yourself on necessity and greed. The pages will always turn to the right even though your life has been left behind. Finishin the race before the gun ever went off. Cheatin death in the after life is a gamble with the devil. FUCK IT. And understand that the person u see before u wouldn’t be the way life or the orgasm of laughter that makes the esapce from reason so possabile. Take in my illegal life and blow it one at a time. Ill always be there. If you have the hate to pay for freedom. FUCk it all. Take off your shoes. Loosen that tie. Twilight is among us and soon night must fall. I never want this dream to end, ill never sleep again.




wrighten by myself and a close friend

[Shakey]

I Am Everything (I Am Nothing)

We swallow the spit,
Steal acceptance, lend denial.
Telling me that my life is free and boundless,
Then I'm forced to stay between the lines.
They construct death to demolish life,
Plant the seeds to harvest loss,
Found empty truth is full of lies.

We're hoping for despair,
Starvation's gluttony.
Subtle chaotic peace,
War divided unity.
Pro life, pro choice,
Blinded insight.
Left wing, right wing,
Black, white,
Leaders following.

I am everything. (I am nothing.)

Stop fuckin' with me, I'm the accused....I'm not the enemy.
You're so confused, no way you could enlighten me.
No freedom trapped in slavery, deceitful honesty...
I'm a mother fuckin' human.....not a machine.

Lay your hands upon me,
In search for answers inviting.
Constant struggle inside me,
Guide me through this nothing that's everything.

I am everything. (I am nothing.)

[Cliff]

Late one night one friday in a hurry
waiting on the green line to come my way
on a platform stationed as seconds ticked away

there he was some cat i didn't know
with piece in his ears echoing some groove
what exactly he was hearing
i'll never know
but he was getting down
eyes closing and just dancing
like none of the many of us were watching

i didn't know his name then
nor do i now
his yesterday and tomorrow
not only a mystery
but none of my buisness
the one thing i was aware of
was that he and i
shared common ground

the train finally came and boarded it we did
and once there i tapped him on the shoulder
turning around while silencing his groove
he raised his eyes to grant me an audience
and i told him exactly what i thought

"you feel your music.... i respect that"

caught off foot maybe his eyes got wider
only then did he inform me aggressively
(though it was delivered in a smile)

"i don't need your approval..."

and then he paused...

"but I appreciate that"

once more he donned the ear pieces
locking himself back in his audio sanctuary
he stood and i sat as the train kept going
the next stop came and the doors opened
before he stepped out he looked back at me
to say two more words before parting ways

"thank you"

and then about his way he went
and about mine i hurried
just another night in the city

[Shakey]

Frozen moments in time,
Stopped hourglass.
They predicate, what you will know.
Dispositions lie within.
And so do we.
Don't want to run.
Don't want to hide.
Renounce the prayers for inspiration.
If you dictate what I will be,
Then smash my face upon the concrete.....I'm weary.

I feel the stares piercing,
So sorry to soil your precious eyes.
Reflections spoon-feed you,
The bitterness and disgust that is me.
If you choose to reach out to lend to me,
I'll chew off your hand.

I'm not beggin' for your fucking change!
I'm just beggin' for a fuckin' change!
I'm in touch with myself,
All alone, within myself,
All one. Alone.

Do what you will, make it the whole of your law,
Burn down the faith that shadows life.
And take a deeper look inside of what makes you.
Pull down the shades..... internal light can be blinding!
Brilliance!
Complacence quenched of me.

Lineage is ending.

I am that, once was me, rising upward, guts wrenching.
Sculpted cold, blistering, break the mold, sever me.

Cut your throat, be the martyr, bitter pills, that we swallow.

Take me, chase me, swallow with me.

Know, now, know, now.

Inside of truth, coming to, close to me, ground consumes and
embraces me.

Born again,
I'm repositioning,
Self inside to self non-dimensional,
Lost to being,
I've recognized the cause,
Existence to come, alive now forever

I am once was
...that is me
I am once was,
That is me

I'm broken, altered, vacillating force,
Round squares, cornered circles dance around wet figures,
Prisoner of time I'm no more.
Insight will guide us through the majesty of nothing.
It's like I'm touched with love by angel girl.
Let bastards rot in time for all their evil,
Let bastards rot in time for all their evil.

Emotions inside us, troubling
The hatred inside us, escalating.
The sickness inside us, keeps us weak.
The masses inside of us, suffering.... they are bleeding.
The calling inside us, sick with greed.
The voices calling to us, deafening.....we're not listening.

Cannot receive the obvious.
Lined up like cattle and cut the necks.
Swat at the flies omit disgust.

The leaders inside us, posturing.
The pollution inside of us, suffocating me.
The science inside us, menacing.
The will that's inside of us, its dying....end is coming.

We're killing ourselves......killers!
Goddamn, we fucked up the circumstance!
Too late to save us from ourselves!
Callous minds against trust and confidence!
Too late to give a damn now.....
Too late to save us from ourselves, too late to make it all go away.
Too late to beg pardons from the mother, too late to give a damn.

Wait....wait for the coming.... of the end.
Wait for the coming, the killing, the ending, the plight of man.
Deserving no mercy expelling by god's hand,
It's okay the ending, it's over....no more pain.

[Shakey]

Nailed inside my head!
Fuck this, I don't need your shit!
All the lies, deceit and arrogance!
Talk your shit like my life is some kinda game!
Like you fuckin' know me!
Just go.... far away and be small,
Run far away and be small,
Go lie in a hole and be small.

Thorns, splinters, pushing,
Under my skin,
They want in,
Sharpened tongue to penetrate me.

So you want inside of me?
So you think you can handle it?
So you want to tear me down, for your own selfish wants and needs?

If you really think you got what it takes to be me,
Then walk a mile in the skin of my head case mental being.
So you want a piece of this life that belongs to me,
Well make a cut on the line and take a deeper look inside of the
freak.

That is me, fucker, come on!

Disturb, search me, prying up all my scales.
To get in lance the core to penetrate me.

So you want inside of me,
So you want a piece of this,
So you want to tear me down, for your own selfish wants and
needs

Disturb, search me, prying, up all my scales,
To get in, lance the core to penetrate me,

So you want inside of me
So you want a piece of me,
So you want to drag me down,
For your own selfish wants and needs

You were there like a punk,
Just to get in my face.
Wanted in me, wanted to be,
Till I gave you a taste.
Don't need your goddamn pressure,
Frontin' stress, I'm superman motherfucker!
Without the "s" on my chest!
Trying to step in my circle, I'm leaving you purple and black
On your back, drop your ass like a heart attack!
Rippin' through your life like a motherfuckin' Hurricane!
Fist full of Novocaine...... Bring the pain.
You're nothing in my life, in my head
You're nothing in my life, in my land
Nailed inside my head!

You're under my fuckin' skin!
I have cleansed my life now of the people who pry.
And threaten place always in my face I think it's time for them
to.....
Go away always in my fuckin' space,
Always in my scene, always in my sight,
Always in my way.

There's nothing left

[juicyjay]

i am who i want to be
and not what you want, and nothing can change that
assume anything that you please
but realize that looks may be decieving,
been living for nineteen years so far,
and yet i still experience things as if i was just born,
you think that it's ended, yet it's just begun
you can look in my emotional eyes
and see all the sadness in the world
but just remember... 'what you see is what you get'

i sit silently and watch the world around me,
i see all the happiness that many can encounter
but i feel the pain and unhappiness that many may posses.
sitting in the bitter cold room,
biting on my lip until all feeling goes numb
watching you lay there motionless
brings tears to my sorrowful eyes
all other sounds drown out but the thumping of my beating heart is left.

i turn my head to see the faces in the room,
sorrowful eyes and mourning faces are what surrounds me,
i see some comforting faces around me,
but i close my eyes and just hope for the best in life to come...
my eyes begin to focus on my friends mother
her deep sighs and continuous cries just fill the room
i start to get up off my feet,
while walking towards her with comforting in my mind
i feel as if im floating and that everythings just a nightmare

as time slowly starts to pass
my emothional wounds begin to heal and turn to scars
i keep in touch with her mother at all times
and never forget to tell the ones i love
how much they mean to me
i grow closer to friends and family day to day...
i shudder at the thought of being alone
in this world today...
as i wastch and hear all the comforting words that friends and family support me with,
i dont feel so alone anymore
to love and be loved is my eternal bliss.
as i drift back into reality from a daze
i dont take things for granted
and i cherish all things that i have

when i grow old in this life
may i look back and smile upon my life
to be so proud of all that i have accomplished and done,
and not regret anything
but to appreciate the person that i've become
and the people who has been there for me throughout this time,
'thank you' to all that has entered my life and made an impact
whether it be negative or positive...
'i love you's to the ones who have stayed
if it wasn't for everyone that i've met...

i wouldn't be the person i am today....

[Shakey]

i like that justine. very good. :thumbsup:

[Hitoi]

god your love makes me sick
it casts such a queasy spell
mmmm.
never did nausea taste so good
choking back the sweet sourness of it all
tasting it
savoring it
letting it roll around on my tongue
indulging in the presence of you
and everyone around you
i clutch my stomach
muscles permanently tensed
doubled over in laugh-induced pain
blink
blink
blink
trying to contain the tears
(unsuccessfully)
leaving trails of giddy and happy on my cheeks
my face providing a map to our past
our present
our life-to-be

[L00p33]

DJ KNAT

There was a young man from Fairfax,
DJ by 14, and whose parents were "lax".
He sat up all night,
spun hard-house muzic with might,
and fell alseep holding his sax.


ahhhhhhhhhhh....gotta love him! :wink:

[juicyjay]

i like that justine. very good. :thumbsup:

thanks!

[juicyjay]

ever cut your wrist to see how much it bleeds?
then watch your blood stain the floor?
just forget your body's needs
and cut deeper then before.
then lie in a pool of your own blood
and watch your life slip away,
letting your heartbeat drop with a thud
and let depression win today.
take the cowards way out
and dissapear in the blink of an eye,
surcoming to the horrible doubt
and leave without sayin goodbye.
my name will be forgotten in a matter of years.
so just go back to your normal lives and forget this event
im not worth your worries, sorrows and tears
because i was never important...

[Louis Riley]

The bells jingled softly as he closed the door, almost drowned out by the beeping of the store's alarm system. Turning keys in multiple locks then dropping the keys into a pocket, Jeremy Matheson hopped off the doorstep and began walking down the street, yawning loudly and rubbing his shoulder. It had been a long day today; he'd had to cut up the new deliveries and prepare them, and that always took alot of work. Added to that, Jose, the cashier he had hired a week ago never turned up today, so Jeremy had had to run register and help customers, then run into the back whenever he got a chance. Shaking his head and letting out a long breath, he stuck his hands in his pocket and looked into the distance, staring at the skyline and trudging down the sidewalk, going home.
He didn't see the two men until it was too late.
They jumped out from behind a parked car, dressed entirely in black with ski masks covering their faces. One of them pushed a black plastic object into Jeremy's side, and a spark erupted. The butcher slumped into the waiting arms of one of the men, and a black van pulled up to a screeching halt beside them, the back doors flying open. The other man hoisted Jeremy by his feet, and together the two black clad men threw him into back heavily, jumped in after him and closed the door as the van accelerated off.

Jeremy groaned loudly, his head throbbing wildly. Slowly opening his eyes, he looked around and pushed himself up to a sitting position, gripping his head. Instantly he was confused, then slowly he remembered the two men, and he suddenly felt sick. Standing up, he scanned the room, opening his eyes wide to see in the gloom. On the other side of the room, the was a small hole in the wall. Through this hole, sunlight streamed, bathing a table in a soft, golden glow. Walking toward the table, Jeremy saw the glint of metal reflected in his eye, and he frowned as he recognized the object. Feeling obviously in danger but greatly confused, the butcher reached out and gingerly lifted the gun, running his fingers over the cold steel.
"Good morning Mr. Matheson, I trust you slept well?"
The voice erupted through the room, and Jeremy dropped the gun in suprise, the metal clattering on the wooden floor.
"Really, Mr. Matheson. You'll have to learn to keep a better hold of your weapon than that. Without it I'm afraid you'll be quite a dissapointment to us."
The voice was cultured, well read, with a hint of amusement. It had a slightly North American twang to it.
Warily, Jeremy crouched and picked up the gun, standing to look all around him, peering into the shadows.
"That's the ticket, Mr. Matheson. Don't be dense now, of course I'm not here with you. Look in the top left corner."
Jeremy obliged the voice, and saw the red light of the closed circuit camera blinking at him.
"Who are you? what the hell is going on here?"
His voice was hurried, and he continued to peer into the shadows, suddenly glad he had the gun.
"Calm down, Mr. Matheson" The voice was calm, as if speaking to a petulant child. "You havn't even looked if that gun is loaded."
The butcher glanced down at the weapon, and realized there was no clip. His breath caught in his throat and he looked up at the camera, his adams apple bobbing up and down.
"Look to the table, Mr. Matheson. Jesus I hope you aren't going to stay this stupid, I had high hopes for you."
Still highly unsure of what was going on, Jeremy glanced down and saw two clips. Reaching out, he took one and pushed it into the slot under the handle, then pulled back on the top of the pistol as he'd seen in done in the movies. Suprisingly nothing went wrong and he assumed he had gotten it right. Taking the other clip, he slipped it into a pocket then looked back up at the camera.
"Now you're getting it." The voice paused for a moment, obviously enjoying the butcher's confusion. "So in answer to your question, you are in an abandoned town in the middle of a desert in a place that will remain unnamed. The reason for you being here is that you, and several other lucky contestants, are going to be providing my compatriots and me with the day's entertainment." Again the voice paused, letting his words sink in. "Now what does the day's entertainment entail, you might ask? Well. I have hired several acomplished hitmen, quite ruthless I assure you, to hunt you and several other contestants. When they find you, they <i>will</i> kill you." There was a long silence as Jeremy stared at the camera, his mouth dropping open. "Unless of course, you kill them first."
Jeremy shook his head, refusing to believe the situation he was in.
"Now, Mr. Matheson. I'm going to give you a bit of a head start. As we speak, one of those hitmen I was speaking of is coming to your position. He has been given a dossier on you and he is quite insistant that he be the one to bag you, so to speak."
Jeremy looked up, his eyes having now adjusted to the darkness, and saw the faint outline of a door. In the distance, he imagined he could hear footsteps. Looking around wildly, he focussed on the hole in the wall. Narrowing his eyes, he realized it was a sheet of heavy black plastic, stretched tight over a window with no glass.
"Well done, Mr. Matheson! I would hurry if I were you, that hitman is awfully close."
Jeremy looked back at the door. He could definately hear footsteps now, clomping heavily on wood, getting closer and closer. Desperately, he tore at the plastic, sunlight flooding the room as he ripped the cover away from the window. Looking back, he saw the door handle turn, then dove straight out the window as blast of gunfire erupted from the door, peppering the window sill with buckshot. Landing heavily on a dirt road, Jeremy rolled, trying to stand quickly, and dashed down the road, looking desperately for somewhere to hide. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a head poke out the window, a Stetson hat shading the face, and once again the voice burst out from speaker hidden throughout the town.
"Welcome to the Button Man competition, Mr. Matheson."

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

Nailed inside my head!
Fuck this, I don't need your shit!
All the lies, deceit and arrogance!
Talk your shit like my life is some kinda game!
Like you fuckin' know me!
Just go.... far away and be small,
Run far away and be small,
Go lie in a hole and be small.

Thorns, splinters, pushing,
Under my skin,
They want in,
Sharpened tongue to penetrate me.

So you want inside of me?
So you think you can handle it?
So you want to tear me down, for your own selfish wants and needs?

If you really think you got what it takes to be me,
Then walk a mile in the skin of my head case mental being.
So you want a piece of this life that belongs to me,
Well make a cut on the line and take a deeper look inside of the
freak.

That is me, fucker, come on!

Disturb, search me, prying up all my scales.
To get in lance the core to penetrate me.

So you want inside of me,
So you want a piece of this,
So you want to tear me down, for your own selfish wants and
needs

Disturb, search me, prying, up all my scales,
To get in, lance the core to penetrate me,

So you want inside of me
So you want a piece of me,
So you want to drag me down,
For your own selfish wants and needs

You were there like a punk,
Just to get in my face.
Wanted in me, wanted to be,
Till I gave you a taste.
Don't need your goddamn pressure,
Frontin' stress, I'm superman motherfucker!
Without the "s" on my chest!
Trying to step in my circle, I'm leaving you purple and black
On your back, drop your ass like a heart attack!
Rippin' through your life like a motherfuckin' Hurricane!
Fist full of Novocaine...... Bring the pain.
You're nothing in my life, in my head
You're nothing in my life, in my land
Nailed inside my head!

You're under my fuckin' skin!
I have cleansed my life now of the people who pry.
And threaten place always in my face I think it's time for them
to.....
Go away always in my fuckin' space,
Always in my scene, always in my sight,
Always in my way.

There's nothing left
The level of angst in all of your writings has seriously made me consider if you're a goth kid in disguise..

[juicyjay]

i like reading them :thumbsup: keep it up!

[Shakey]

There's another reflection involved up in my mind
A wholeness that has just been lost
Striving hard for perfection but still nothing to find
Some value with a cheaper cost
And as I reach out to hear you, the sound is so muffled
It makes a lesser man of me

I'm at the point of retraction and still slipping further
This place is getting worse for me
There's such a lack of direction and models to live by
No bright skies ahead of me
And as I reach out for your hand you turn and then wander
Why I simply just can't see
No separation of gender, no difference in me.
You're just leading me on and on and on.
There must be something you can recommend.
I've lost my faith in man again
And I've lost my sweetest friend.
Same pain over and over again
How much longer do you think we'll stand.
So little left here to live for.
By this time my life is at its end.

[Shakey]

Never Enough

Jump start your life,
You may never get the chance to make things right.
Rather than lie,
Take a moment to reflect on everything that has gone by.
It's a mistake,
There's no reason I should be so full of guilt.
Significant break,
So you severed all the ties that we have built.

Tried to give you what was left of me.
But it was not enough.
Didn't think about the rest of me,
That it was never enough.
Tried my hardest to be the best I could be,
But it was not enough
Tried to give you what was left of me
It could never be quite enough.

All mixed up inside,
And it's easy to forget what we should be.
It's useless to hide,
I can see to the heart of your insecurity.
All of this time,
Blaming others for the cause of what we've lost.
Nothing sublime,
I must overcome no matter what the cost.

Please give back what's not yours to have.
It's the only thing that I've got left.
Never was enough to satisfy.
And I'm left empty.
And now I know that I never was, and never will be enough.

[Gizmo]

bored at work; wrote this after the UPS man left. this is old.

---

when the ups men come barreling through the halls of the office they leave behind them a wake of fluttering untethered papers and a deep, wild earth smell like the leaf-clad inhabitants of some remote jungle territory far outside the realms of paper reams and bad coffee and toner ink. their job seems glamourous for a fraction of a second, their agile forms whisking around the building like a mongoose or its glittering serpent prey sliding paths beneath sun-spotted undergrowth. Carrying under their tanned arms mysterious brown packages for us -- the shapeless albino computer potatoes with poor eyesight and particle-board bones -- they don't make eye contact or speak save for the soundless communication of their bodies and the occasional muttered "last name?" in some exotic drumbeat accent as we sign their magic number pads with inkless blue pens. And then they whisk away again to their brown cardboard-box trucks with no doors to hold them in, and they gun the engine and shift gears and peel out to their next stop, to fill the next sterile office with their heat and sweat and speed.

[Hitoi]

Post more, Cortney. Your stuff is inspiring.

[Gizmo]

awww thanks. i wish i could write more. haven't had time to lately/haven't been inspired.

you know how it go.

*stubs toe in dirt*