NoVA Barbie Dolls

[tigermomma]

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition NoVa dolls for
the Northern Virginia market:

McLean Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Neiman' s in
Tysons  > II. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV,a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.  Workaholic Ken sold
only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Falls Church Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available
with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit.  She gets lost easily
and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Manassas Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows and a home methlab kit. This model is only available afterdark
and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Great Falls Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
cards, and country club membership. Also ava able for this set are
Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. If you have to ask the price,
you won't be able to afford any of them.

Woodbridge Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's a** when she
is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Sterling Barbie - This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears
a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends at the McMansion. Percocet or valium prescription
option available.

Leesburg Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter top.  Also available with a mobile home.

North Arlington Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow".
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two North
Arlington barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.

South Arlington Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with
a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail. Green cards are not available for South
Arlington Barbie or Ken.

[LadyJ]

:haha: So when are these going to be added to Jackie's collection? :haha:

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

:spit:

Someone buy me a North Arlington barbie!!!

[tigermomma]

:doh:

No more Barbies for that child :noway:

I keep stepping on lil plastic shoes, slipping on the dresses she leaves out, etc.

(though when she goes to bed I dress them all up too)

:wink:

[A.J. Inx]

:afterbuzz:

[zartan]

lol!!

[Gizmo]

if i had a kid I'd play with all her toys too. :blush:

It's such a generational thing.

South Arlington Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with
a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail. Green cards are not available for South
Arlington Barbie or Ken.

this is my favorite. :haha:

[cleophite]

:chairfall:

[tigermomma]

I know, they're so bad...but soooooo true!! LOL

[Mokey]

Too funny! I guess Im a cross between sterling barbie, and Leesburg barbie (I live in the middle).

[Gizmo]

http://www.compfused.com/blogimg/redneckbarbie.jpg

[BuzzCat]

North Arlington Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow".
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two North
Arlington barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.

South Arlington Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with
a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail. Green cards are not available for South
Arlington Barbie or Ken.


that's where I grew up! LOL

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

Well I'm from north arlington, and while I don't have hairy pits.. the tofu thing is hilarious!

[BuzzCat]

soooo accurate tho! (in general, think yorktown wannabe hippie chicks) lol

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

Hehehe... nonononono....
Think H-B wannabe hippie chicks :delirious:

[Electric Head]

Originally posted by tigermomma
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition NoVa dolls for
the Northern Virginia market:

McLean Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Neiman' s in
Tysons  > II. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV,a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.  Workaholic Ken sold
only in conjunction with "augmented" version.



I live in McLean, and this is too funny! Where'd this come from? You go tiger!

[LovinBuzz]

Originally posted by tigermomma


Manassas Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows and a home methlab kit. This model is only available afterdark
and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

.

:haha:

[Taishou]

where's fairfax barbie?

[Anti-DieselKitty]

I got this email a couple days ago...too funny! And then I got it again yesterday... Too bad it doesn't cover DC and MD!

[djgalbis]

ahahaha

[sirenofthestorm]

No Herndon Barbie-oh well

[A.J.]

Originally posted by tigermomma
Also available with a mobile home.



:haha:

[leona69]

Any news on upcoming releases for District Barbies? A Dupont Barbie would be a sight to see......

[MaryAnarchy]

*giggle* i read this a long time ago, but now that i'm spending more and more time in VA i see how funny these really are.

[the sex molesters]

HAHAHAHAHA OMG they are PERFECT! they even have the hispanic south arlington barbie! that's so fucking hilarious.

[the sex molesters]

Originally posted by leona69
Any news on upcoming releases for District Barbies? A Dupont Barbie would be a sight to see......

DUPONT BARBIE: a head taller than the rest of the barbies, but otherwise similar in appearance. comes with a feather boa and a "surprise" when you take the pants off.

[BuzzCat]

:haha: :delirious: oh muh gawd!

[anya]

that seriously has to be one of the most disturbing, but funniest things ive ever read in my life!

[RYU]

McLean Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Neiman' s in
Tysons > II. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV,a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold
only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
LMAO!
I love the part about only available in Tysons 2...
lol

[RYU]

Originally posted by sirenofthestorm
No Herndon Barbie-oh well I think Herdon fits sorta in the Mclean Barbie section..... :delirious:

[evey]

Originally posted by tigermomma
South Arlington Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with
a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail. Green cards are not available for South
Arlington Barbie or Ken.

:haha:

:werd:

So true.

[Ragin Bajin]

Had to bring the thread back to life because it's Christmas time and these were funny.

[Hope]

You made me LOL!!!!!

[Charran]

LOL

[Ink Blot]

owned

haha

[Phoenix]

I saw this as an email but reworked for Maryland.

[PYVND]

I love VA hating. Very nice.

[beth]

North Arlington Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow".
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two North
Arlington barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.

i resent that.

[LizE]

I saw this as an email but reworked for Maryland.

I wanna see that...

<--- lives in MD

[The Drifter]

i resent that.

What? you dont wear socks w/ your birks? :wink:

[The Drifter]

I wanna see that...

<--- lives in MD

so do I

I wonder what the westminster barbie is like

[Phoenix]

I wanna see that...

<--- lives in MD

Ask and you shall recieve :D

This didn't come in the email, btw. I reworked it off the top of my head:

Chevy Chase Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstroms in
Montgomery Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV,a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold
only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Rockville Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available
with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily
and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Gaithersburg Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows and a home methlab kit. This model is only available afterdark
and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Bethesda Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
cards, and country club membership. Also ava able for this set are
Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. If you have to ask the price,
you won't be able to afford any of them.

Waldorf Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's a** when she
is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Potomac Barbie - This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears
a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends at the McMansion. Percocet or valium prescription
option available.

Frederick Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

College Park Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow".
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two North
Arlington barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.

Wheaton Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with
a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail. Green cards are not available for South
Arlington Barbie or Ken.

[RAMIRO]

"Woodbridge Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's a** when she
is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free."

hmph!!:shady:

[Ragin Bajin]

Haha.. These things are hilarious both Virginia and Maryland.

[beth]

What? you dont wear socks w/ your birks? :wink:


Don’t wanna chill, don’t wanna sit
Don’t wanna hear no hippy shit
Don’t tell me I’ve closed my mind
Don’t wanna groove, don’t wanna dig
Don’t wanna spend the day naked
Don’t like my music country fried
He’s got a tye dyed rancid shirt
He wears his birkenstocks to work
Is he a jerk? no! just confused
Jeff don’t wear regular shoes

(a star to anyone who can get that reference)

[The Drifter]

Don’t wanna chill, don’t wanna sit
Don’t wanna hear no hippy shit
Don’t tell me I’ve closed my mind
Don’t wanna groove, don’t wanna dig
Don’t wanna spend the day naked
Don’t like my music country fried
He’s got a tye dyed rancid shirt
He wears his birkenstocks to work
Is he a jerk? no! just confused
Jeff don’t wear regular shoes

(a star to anyone who can get that reference)

NOFX?

[MaryAnarchy]

leesburg isn't rednecky anymore. it's actually quite yuppie.

[Solipsist]

Ask and you shall recieve :D

This didn't come in the email, btw. I reworked it off the top of my head:

Chevy Chase Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstroms in
Montgomery Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Lexus SUV,a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold
only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Rockville Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available
with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily
and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Gaithersburg Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows and a home methlab kit. This model is only available afterdark
and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Bethesda Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
cards, and country club membership. Also ava able for this set are
Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. If you have to ask the price,
you won't be able to afford any of them.

Waldorf Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's a** when she
is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Potomac Barbie - This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears
a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends at the McMansion. Percocet or valium prescription
option available.

Frederick Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time
she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

College Park Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow".
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two North
Arlington barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.

Wheaton Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with
a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in
the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail. Green cards are not available for South
Arlington Barbie or Ken.

Where the hell is Dundalk Barbie? I think it would be missing teeth and have a mullet, at the very least.

[Phoenix]

Where the hell is Dundalk Barbie? I think it would be missing teeth and have a mullet, at the very least.

I actually thought about that when I reworked that list. I guess the list I did is Maryland based on the DC Metro area. Baltimore peeps should do another one for Baltimore!

The beauty of it is, that list can reworked to go with any big city and it's neighboring cities.

[Solipsist]

I actually thought about that when I reworked that list. I guess the list I did is Maryland based on the DC Metro area. Baltimore peeps should do another one for Baltimore!

The beauty of it is, that list can reworked to go with any big city and it's neighboring cities.

Perhaps if I have some time later....I think a Glen Burnie doll and a North Ave. doll are in order, as well...

[Kif]

I completely forgot about this thread...almost 2 years old.


Good memory Joe :thumbsup:

[Ragin Bajin]

Thanks.. I saw it on another board first, and decided to do a search like a very good buzzboard poster I am. It took a while since the thread is soo old. So hopefully we can keep this thread semi alive year with additions. I think it would be kinda cool.

[KiKiXOXO]

I live in North Arlington & I do not wear Birkenstocks, much less Birkenstocks with white socks. I have seen many on the sidewalks of my neighborhood...

[MaryAnarchy]

i live in ashburn, the land of yuppies, huge houses with no yards, and SUV's.

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

Miss Mary Anarchy - I have a bee chair for you. You must let me know if you want it, cause if not I will be moving it along!

:smooch:

[Phoenix]

I don't think it was written with VA in mind. I think it just names off stereotypes and people plug in the cities to which they think those stereotypes apply.

[sassypance]

Waldorf Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's a** when she
is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

:spit: this is why i left southern maryland for good... this is very true!


Potomac Barbie - This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears
a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends at the McMansion. Percocet or valium prescription
option available.

HA! and that's what i moved on to.... omg :afterbuzz:

[soofung]

ooo! a new collection of dolls to put to the guillotine!

[Ragin Bajin]

I don't think it was written with VA in mind. I think it just names off stereotypes and people plug in the cities to which they think those stereotypes apply.


Your probably right. It's just funny that some of these things are pretty true about the areas that they are talking about.

[missmurrr]

absolutely hilarious. i just fell off the couch. ooops...

[DJ-Heist]

:doh:

No more Barbies for that child :noway:

I keep stepping on lil plastic shoes, slipping on the dresses she leaves out, etc.

(though when she goes to bed I dress them all up too)

:wink:


WOW , its been a long time Kristen..... how you been sweetie......

[bboyneko]

Baltimore Barbies

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Baltimore market:
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/rolandpark.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Roland Park Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Cross Keys. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/columbia.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Columbia Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/easternav.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Eastern Avenue Barbie"
This recently par oled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/greenspringvalley.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Greenspring Valley Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/glenburnie.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Glen Burnie Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet an d kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/canton.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Canton Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/hereford-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Hereford Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/mtvernon.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Mt Vernon Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hai ry armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Mt Vernon Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/dundalk.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Dundalk Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/ellicottcity.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Ellicott City Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.
<BR>
<BR>
<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v200/mauiice/bmorestreet.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>
"Baltimore Street Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

[Methodus]

They left some out (the list I got via email):

edit: holy shit that is old... must be circling around the internet again.

" Loudoun County Barbie "
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Dulles Town Center or Tysons Corner II. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. attire sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.


" Fairfax County Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.


" Manassas Park Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes in overalls or Wal-Mart sweat suit with racing strip and "Too Cute" embroidered on front. Accessories include a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.


" McLean Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.


" Woodbridge Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.


"Ashburn Barbie "
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and bleached blonde hair. She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold separately.



" Dumfries Trailer Home Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Warrior Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



" Dupont Circle Barbie "
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Cloverdale Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.


" Route 1 Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

[elad]

black baby FTW

[nsI]

i got the same exact email the other day but its was for Baltimore :bonk:

[juicyjay]

:afterbuzz:

[Cliff]

does anyone else think the dundalk barbie looks like britney spears?

[DAVEILL1]

Ray Lewis Knife = Baltimore

[Big McLargeHuge]

Ray Lewis Knife = Baltimore

ok, uh, what exactly is a ray lewis knife?

[DAVEILL1]

ok, uh, what exactly is a ray lewis knife?

The knife this bad man used in Atlanta

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/packageart/mugshots/rlewismug1.jpg

[Big McLargeHuge]

The knife this mofo used in Atlanta

http://www.collegemarketplace.com/photos/hulahoop.jpg

im so lost right now

[DAVEILL1]

im so lost right now

I get a D- for jpegs on the interweb :bravo: I fixed my link

[Big McLargeHuge]

I get a D- for jpegs on the interweb :bravo: I fixed my link

lol, i liked your first one better anyways, still, what kind of knife is it?

[DAVEILL1]

lol, i liked your first one better anyways, still, what kind of knife is it?

I'm guessing he used a butchers knife.

The original text was written to reflect Baltimore and it's been changed poorly to reflect West Virginia.

[ao125]

Too true with the McLean Barbie... too true.

[Methodus]

Dundalk is such a shithole