the girl is messin with my head.

[HI-NRG]

ok, thanks everyone that took the time to read this.
i just started talkin to my ex again for the first time in like a year. when she first called me it was to let me start seein my son again and to work something out about that, even though i said nothin about gettin together, she kept pushin that she didnt want top get back with me. but last friday she met me up at nations and we all had a good time, she called me sat night to see if i wanted to go out and when i said no i was to tired, she cancelled her plans, kinda like she didnt want to go out with out me. now last night she had me come outside to meet her and have a cig with her, when she called she was already outside not knowing if i was there or not, basically she was driving around thinkin of me and decided to take her chances of comin over, im in love with this girl she knows it, last night was cold and she put her body againsnt mine to keep warm. does this sound like a girl thats not interested? this girl means alot to me.... but im confused about what i mean to her any clues? girls may have more to say about this than guys since im wondering about how she feels. thanks to you all again..

[ggfab]

Play hard to get...stop being SOOOOO available.

If you're always there then there will be no insecurity or guessing on her part and she can have her cake and eat it too.

That's my advice...good luck.

[HI-NRG]

thanks that sounds good.

[LadyJ]

TALK TO HER!!! Being honest and open is a hell of a lot better than playing guessing games. Without communication, everyone just ends up getting hurt. We don't know this girl and at least most, if not all, of us don't know you, so how can we offer good advice?

[MaryAnarchy]

hmm some options

maybe she just recently broke upw ith a boyfriend and is lonely.

maybe she does miss you

maybe she's just trying to be cool friends with you, and trying to act "normal"

playing hard to get games wont' really get you anywhere.
it may make her more intersted in you, but do you really want someone who's more interested in you when you're NOT available?

[velvetgoldmire]

er... playing games (like playing hard to get) will get you nowhere... it's an old high school technique that only leads to more headfucks and confusion.

[LadyJ]

Originally posted by MaryAnarchy
playing hard to get games wont' really get you anywhere.

:werd: It's called "playing" hard to get for a reason. Do you really want to play games with people's feelings? Not a very mature option IMO.

[velvetgoldmire]

Listen to LadyJ and Mary... both have wisdom beyond the ages.

[sirenofthestorm]

Honesty and rational conversations with this lady is needed.
You are too good for games.

[MaryAnarchy]

thanks :D

and stuff.

[HI-NRG]

thanks all of you, i know most of you dont know me but its easier to be truthful i find with strangers, even if you guys are only my online friends, a friend is a friend. i will take the advice and see how it goes for a couple days/weeks, i think its to early to talk to her about gettin back together, i dont want to mess shit up. thanks

[Emporium76]

check your email, it will contain the best advice of your life....j/k but for real check your email

[Light Touch]

Originally posted by ggfab
Play hard to get...stop being SOOOOO available.

If you're always there then there will be no insecurity or guessing on her part and she can have her cake and eat it too.

That's my advice...good luck.

*applause*

Biggest :werd: ever.

[MaryAnarchy]

:slap:

[the sex molesters]

i say just do what you do, if she wants to be a part of it, then so be it..... there's no need to get pressed over someone, even if you do love them or care about them. and the fact that you aren't pressed over her will make her appreciate you even more.....

this is probably the hardest lesson i've ever had to learn in life.....

[Light Touch]

Originally posted by LadyJ
:werd: It's called "playing" hard to get for a reason. Do you really want to play games with people's feelings? Not a very mature option IMO.

It's no less mature than being available at all times. :shrug:

I think it's an important stage in a person's romantic development to not be obsessive or overly open to someone. I'm not suggesting that people should lie about their feelings, but being overly forthright with them isn't a good idea. It's a sign that says, "Walk all over me, I'm yours."

[Light Touch]

Originally posted by djinergy
this is probably the hardest lesson i've ever had to learn in life.....

Still learning this one. :sadblue:

[HI-NRG]

i am doing what ive been doing since before she came back into my life, i dont want her to leave again, but i will think about how i act around her, things are happening so fast now.

[HI-NRG]

i feel like a teenager im so happy im around her again, and sad at the same time cause i dont know where we are as far as relationships go. its way to early im afraid, a good friend told me that i wear my heart on my sleeve, this is so true... thanks emily..:smooch:

[the sex molesters]

i'm not sayin that anyone should have to "play" hard to get.... i just feel like if you change the way you act because you feel like someone will like you better that way, then they aren't really liking you.... which could cause problems later on. also the easier to "access" you are, the less likely they are to want you.... people enjoy challenges.

[MaryAnarchy]

not always.

if it's the right person, you don't need to feel like they are unattainable. you are happy being your true self with them, and expressing all of your emotions.

:mary:

[the sex molesters]

depends on the person i suppose.... but i'll admit i've tossed girls aside because they were too easy, as have i been tossed aside myself.

[blitzm]

Originally posted by MaryAnarchy
not always.

if it's the right person, you don't need to feel like they are unattainable. you are happy being your true self with them, and expressing all of your emotions.

:mary:


:werd: That is SO TRUE!!! GOod luck with your lady, hun!

[MaryAnarchy]

if you tossed them aside obviously they weren't the right person for you, and vice versa.
i think you'll know

[the sex molesters]

:shrug:

who knows?

[MaryAnarchy]

you know when you find "a keeper"

[MaryAnarchy]

never mind, i'm sounding so ghey

mary ----> :slap: <---- mary

[the sex molesters]

mary you are so ghey.

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by MaryAnarchy
you know when you find &quot;a keeper&quot;
http://www.angelfire.com/retro/80sfun/images/SCHOOL/trapkeeptag1.jpg

HUZZAH! :thumbsup:

[LadyJ]

Originally posted by Light Touch


It's no less mature than being available at all times. :shrug:

I think it's an important stage in a person's romantic development to not be obsessive or overly open to someone. I'm not suggesting that people should lie about their feelings, but being overly forthright with them isn't a good idea. It's a sign that says, &quot;Walk all over me, I'm yours.&quot;
Whoa whoa whoa. I definitely never said any of that. All I said was that it's immature to play games with people's feelings. Honesty is always the best policy and I'll stick to that. I'm not saying to bare your soul at all times but acting a certain way in order to manipulate someone is immature and wrong. You cannot have a relationship without communication and trust. "Playing hard to get" violates both. Maybe this woman doesn't care, but from my standpoint, that's the quickest way to get dropped and lose any trust and respect that I ever had for you.

[Light Touch]

Originally posted by LadyJ
Whoa whoa whoa. I definitely never said any of that. All I said was that it's immature to play games with people's feelings. Honesty is always the best policy and I'll stick to that. I'm not saying to bare your soul at all times but acting a certain way in order to manipulate someone is immature and wrong. You cannot have a relationship without communication and trust. &quot;Playing hard to get&quot; violates both. Maybe this woman doesn't care, but from my standpoint, that's the quickest way to get dropped and lose any trust and respect that I ever had for you.

*duly noted*

:wink:

I'm just saying that being overwhelmingly honest is not always the best practice. There are some things that are not for sharing, and one of them is "I'm here for you 24/7 even though I don't know what you want from me".

[ggfab]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire
er... playing games (like playing hard to get) will get you nowhere... it's an old high school technique that only leads to more headfucks and confusion.

BE REALISTIC.

In a situation like this the girl ALREADY knows his feelings and SHE is not telling how she feels other than acting like a hypocrite..."no reltaionship" but :snuggling and stalking... whatever.

Do what you wanna but I've seen it a thousand times.

Who giving this advice has a solid relationship? Lemme ask that?

:D smile!

[velvetgoldmire]

How in the hell does what you just said relate to my post? How is it unrealistic? Because she (seemingly) is playing games, he should also? Yeah... that'll work and be stable. There is no good that can come of this situation, if it keeps going along this track.

[the sex molesters]

my experience has been that women play games like that for the most part.... i don't even think they do it intentionally half of the time.... but personally, i figure turnabout is fair play.....

[LadyJ]

Originally posted by Light Touch
&quot;I'm here for you 24/7 even though I don't know what you want from me&quot;.
If anyone can honestly say this, there are bigger problems at work. Namely, a major lack of self-respect. You cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

Originally posted by ggfab
BE REALISTIC.

Who giving this advice has a solid relationship? Lemme ask that?

Realistically, if anyone plays games with me, they're gone.

People can only speak from their experience and from how they would react. Obviously not everyone is the same otherwise you could have a "solid relationship" with anyone. You can get advice from anyone (obviously. we're a bunch of strangers!), but it's up to you to sort through it and make your own decision.

[ggfab]

Originally posted by ggfab
Play hard to get...stop being SOOOOO available.

If you're always there then there will be no insecurity or guessing on her part and she can have her cake and eat it too.

That's my advice...good luck.

I meant 'be realistic'...as in my reply to him wasn't head-fucking nonsense.

I guess I did come off kind of rude at you...not my intention...

:D

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by djinergy
my experience has been that women play games like that for the most part.... i don't even think they do it intentionally half of the time.... but personally, i figure turnabout is fair play.....
Funny, I always thought "treat others as you would wish to be treated" was a much better rule to live by. If someone toys with my emotions or plays with my head, there's no way I'm going to stoop to that level, but I'll call them out on it and probably won't wpend too much time around them, since the last thing I need in my life is an overload of sacrin, sentimental drama.

[the sex molesters]

i just treat people how they treat me :shrug:

[ggfab]

Originally posted by djinergy
i just treat people how they treat me :shrug:

That has a lot to do with it...

If he has and is there for her then why should he continue to be SOOOO available if she continues to hurt him and nothing has changed.

[the sex molesters]

exactly.

[blitzm]

I definitely believe in treating people like I would like to be treated. If someone is just absolutely hateful to me then I just ignore them and let them realize the mistake they made if that ever happens. It could be that your ex realized what she's missing when it comes to you and your relationship BUT you gotta speak your mind especially if she's still special in your heart. You owe it to the both of you to figure out what you feel and what she feels so that both of you can be happy. Happy with each other or happy without each other... Love works in such mysterious ways.

[velvetgoldmire]

And what if you're wrong or misinterpret? What if in their mind, they are doing something that is justified, for a reason that never came to your mind. Emotions aren't logical, remember, and people will do the most foolhardy things for all of the right reasons, and it comes out as being unitentionally hurtful. Why create the unnecissary drama, when you can call them out on it, dig up all of the shit, get to the bottom of things, and go from there?

[LadyJ]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

Funny, I always thought &quot;treat others as you would wish to be treated&quot; was a much better rule to live by.
:werd:

Originally posted by djinergy
i just treat people how they treat me :shrug:
It sounds like you have yourself stuck in a pretty shitty cycle. They treat me bad so I'll treat them bad so they treat me bad so...

[ggfab]

It all ends up being a latenight- to early morning discussion of circles that never gets anywhere.

Relationships are bullshit mostly.

Goodluck- goodbye.
:byebye:

[the sex molesters]

"pretty shitty cycle?" no actually it works for me. because the people who treat me well, in return get treated well.

[ggfab]

Originally posted by djinergy
&quot;pretty shitty cycle?&quot; no actually it works for me. because the people who treat me well, in return get treated well.

and the assholes get :smurf: kicked to the curb foreva!

[velvetgoldmire]

And people who you get off on the wrong foot with continue to hate you and you them and them you a bit more, etc etc..., and it leads to the American-Asshole complex... not to mention drama. But, if that's how you live your life, go for it. I'm just happy I'm not you.

[the sex molesters]

precisely. well some of them realize that they should treat me better, and then we get along after that....

[the sex molesters]

i don't really hate anyone. hate is too passionate of an emotion to describe the way i feel about most of those people.....

[velvetgoldmire]

Not to mention, if they really are assholes, why waste your energy on them? People who are pricks don't deserve a second thought. Fuck em. There are too many good things to appreciate for the bad things to consume your life.

[ggfab]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire
And people who you get off on the wrong foot with continue to hate you and you them and them you a bit more, etc etc..., and it leads to the American-Asshole complex... not to mention drama. But, if that's how you live your life, go for it. I'm just happy I'm not you.

To be totally honest, I think you're a cool guy Rob and I'm not sure WE got off on the right foot for stupid reasons but that does not mean we aren't cool, right?

People are going to act accordingly to their own situations...the righteous may be martyrs in their own times.

Not everyone is perfect and sometimes the 'other' approach is necessary.

Peace and love.
g

[LadyJ]

I think Rob was referring to Inergy's post.

I think it's obvious, but I've agreed with Rob throughout this thread. It takes all people to make the world turn and not everyone will get along. All you can do is live your life the way that makes you happy.

[MaryAnarchy]

jami + mary + rob vs andy and GGfab


ding!

j/k

[the sex molesters]

Originally posted by LadyJ
All you can do is live your life the way that makes you happy.

oh, and i do. it makes me happy to punish those who try to make me otherwise. :D

[ggfab]

MARY!!! YOU better switch sides LAdeh!!

I'm not here to fight anyone...TKO is my right hook.:wink:

I'm a :affection:'er not a fighter!!
:plur:

[velvetgoldmire]

Of course not. I was commenting on how the strategy of inergy's "I treat others as they treat me" works in both ways. Treating someone who's an asshole as an asshole usually only feeds them or their distaste.

And yes, there are necissary evils in this world, but this kid's situation is not one of them. If he cares about her, why play games with her? Because "turn about is fair play"... yeah, that really shows how much you love that person. That will only lead to a spiral of drama and deeper heartache, when it's a situation that, handled with maturity, can be resolved, and things made good.

[Light Touch]

I got your back, GG.

[the sex molesters]

i'm passive-agressive. :shrug:

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by djinergy


oh, and i do. it makes me happy to punish those who try to make me otherwise. :D
To quote my favorite trilogy, "Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends."

[the sex molesters]

whoever said i was wise? i'm just spiteful. and, according to my shrink, very angry.

[LadyJ]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

To quote my favorite trilogy, &quot;Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.&quot;
:badkitty:

[cleophite]

lol. rob is wise. kind of like gandalf, but without the long grey beard.

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by djinergy
whoever said i was wise? i'm just spiteful. and, according to my shrink, very angry.
You are no Gandalf.

If you want to be passive-aggressive, good luck, but that attitude tends to lead to a boil-over effect and an extremely stressful and miserable life.

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by cleophite
lol. rob is wise. kind of like gandalf, but without the long grey beard.
And a much better ass. :D

[maynard]

:hmm:

[cleophite]

you should rock a cool staff/walking stick thing though. like a pimp cane, but better!

[tigermomma]

I think playing hard to get is not as much a manipulation as it is a "self" credo to live by.

I know in high school if I liked a guy I would drop *everything* else. Then I got the whole "play hard to get" lecture. I then made sure that I had plans all the time, with friends, and wouldnt...for anything...break them for a guy. Its not so much lying about being available as it is beefing up the other aspects of your life simultaneously.

*that was done minimizing from bosses, hope it made some kind of sense*

[ggfab]

Originally posted by Light Touch
I got your back, GG.

Thanks Doll!:hifive:


My friends call me The Drum and Bass Asshole.

Now what? *just a girl*:bigpimp:

[cleophite]

ok, i think people are using the term "hard to get" in two entirely different ways. one is obviously defined as playing head games, which rob already said everything i would on that.

the second i think is what kristen described, which is not so much doing the whole headfuck thing, but not being an overeager doormat, which is definitely something to avoid. big difference between those two.

[the sex molesters]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

You are no Gandalf.

If you want to be passive-aggressive, good luck, but that attitude tends to lead to a boil-over effect and an extremely stressful and miserable life.

dude i don't WANT to be passive-agressive.... but i am. that's not the type of thing where you wake up one day and suddenly think "oh, i'm going to be passive-agressive!" no, i had little control over it.

[velvetgoldmire]

One can avoid being a doormat without playing games. Granted, there are fun, flirty games that can make things more exciting and intense, but that is NOT the situation which this guy was discribing with his ex. Look at the title of the thread.

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by djinergy


dude i don't WANT to be passive-agressive.... but i am. that's not the type of thing where you wake up one day and suddenly think &quot;oh, i'm going to be passive-agressive!&quot; no, i had little control over it.
You have more control over it than you obviously think. Some things take harder work, but if you do not want to be passive-aggressive, then you can work towards that. I am someone who used to be P.A., but I didn't like it, realized that I am the one who is in control of what I do and how I act, took advice from friends and the like, and worked towards not being a certain way that I viewed as being negetive.

Bottom line, where there's a will, there's a way.

It's true. It's true.

[cleophite]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire
One can avoid being a doormat without playing games. Granted, there are fun, flirty games that can make things more exciting and intense, but that is NOT the situation which this guy was discribing with his ex. Look at the title of the thread. no no, i agree with you, i'm just saying that people have been defining the term differently and therefore misunderstanding each other.

[the sex molesters]

well u see... chances are she's not good for him at all if she's gonna be like this..... so if he proceeds to treat her like she's treating him, the most likely thing that will happen is that they won't get back together. no real loss there.... and if by some chance she really does care about him, then maybe when the tables are turned, she'll see how shittily she's treated him and she'll stop treating him bad, and they'll get back together..... not like the second possibility is likely, but i would say it'd serve him best both ways.

[velvetgoldmire]

OR he could open the lines of communication, call her out on how she is making him feel, explain how he actually does feel, what he would like to see happen, what he actually sees as happening, find out what she wants, feels, and sees, and see if they can work something out, be it friends or trying to work out a relationship.

Without communication and trust, there is nothing.

[the sex molesters]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

You have more control over it than you obviously think. Some things take harder work, but if you do not want to be passive-aggressive, then you can work towards that. I am someone who used to be P.A., but I didn't like it, realized that I am the one who is in control of what I do and how I act, took advice from friends and the like, and worked towards not being a certain way that I viewed as being negetive.

Bottom line, where there's a will, there's a way.

It's true. It's true.

i don't even think you really know what it means when i say that....

most of the time i'm not thinking "she's making me mad, what can i do that will make her mad", on the contrary, usually it's more like "she's making me mad but i'm not gonna say anything because i don't like to be confrontational...." and then the thought to go out and do something will pop into my head and it'll only barely occur to me that the thing i now want to do will really piss her off.... it's totally subconscious. i was basically raised into this behavior. i can't just turn it off at will.

[velvetgoldmire]

Yes, I do know what you mean by it. And, you are correct, it's not something that you can turn off at will, but it's not something you need to be trapped in either. If you want to work to end this behavior that you don't like, you can work towards it. Is it easy? Of course not, but it is something that can be corrected.

You say you have the conscious thought of "she's making me mad but i'm not gonna say anything because i don't like to be confrontational...." Why not work towards "she's making me mad, and I don't want to be mad. I want to resolve this. What can I say that I'm comfortable with saying that will help smooth things over."

You're leaving it up to your subconscious to make the descision. You know it will lead to passive-aggressive behavior, which will only worsen the situation. Having this knowledge is the first step. Now it's up to you to decide if you want to fix it, and, knowing yourself, what steps you would need to take to do so.

It takes work, but is worth it in the end.

[ggfab]

*has a sneaking suspicion that DJ-obe has LEFT the building*

jeez- everyone is SO riled up today...:ontome:

[Light Touch]

Originally posted by cleophite
ok, i think people are using the term &quot;hard to get&quot; in two entirely different ways. one is obviously defined as playing head games, which rob already said everything i would on that.

the second i think is what kristen described, which is not so much doing the whole headfuck thing, but not being an overeager doormat, which is definitely something to avoid. big difference between those two.

:werd: I am championing the latter.

[velvetgoldmire]

I agree with Lauren. But, a big key in what Kristen was talking about (at least from my point of view), is this was something she did in high school... My 10 year reunion is right around the corner. I'm too old for those kind of headgames. If someone tries to use me as a doormat, I will call them out on it. Sometimes they don't even realize it. But I will not sacrifice the person I am to put myself in an uncomfortable situation where I don't even know the rules of the "game".

[MaryAnarchy]

i would like to officially announce that this thread has lost my interest

thank you, drive through.

[ggfab]

Originally posted by MaryAnarchy
i would like to officially announce that this thread has lost my interest

thank you, drive through.

:haha:

You want fries with that shake, mama??! :wink:

Yah, good luck DJ obe as I said before but people have issues and sometimes the situation is not as simple as it seems from a distance.

I hope ALL works out for you...:thumbsup:

[LadyJ]

I think that it's also important to realize that there is a child involved in this entire thing. In the first post, this was mentioned. These two people need to learn to at least be cordial with one another because they are going to have to deal with one another for the rest of their lives unless one of them chooses to break contact with the child.

[MaryAnarchy]

yeah, that's why i'm still cordial with chuck
otherwise i'd avoid him at all costs.

i even talk nicely of him to the boys, and ask them what they like to play with daddy, et.c

[HI-NRG]

i did leave the building for a minute ggfab, but im back and i have read everyones reply, thanks all. i guess, we'll just see how it goes, but its basically too late no matter what i do, shes already come into my life, im getting back old feelings that i had to let go during our break up. so being friends and just friends, i dont think i could handle not so soon. love sucks i guess.

[beth]

all i ever wanted
all i ever needed
is here in my arms
words are very unnecessary
they will only do harm





.. i listen to depeche mode "violater" cd when i go through my "love sucks" phases.

[velvetgoldmire]

"Wookin pa nub in all the wrong places"

[Wickity]

"daba dee baaaa"
????????

[velvetgoldmire]

"Unce. Tice. Fee times a Mady!"

[lupitanahsee]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

http://www.angelfire.com/retro/80sfun/images/SCHOOL/trapkeeptag1.jpg

HUZZAH! :thumbsup:

:afterbuzz:

[lupitanahsee]

Originally posted by djinergy
precisely. well some of them realize that they should treat me better, and then we get along after that....

and if youre treating them like shit, what exactly would make them realize that they should treat you better :shrug:

[Article One]

Originally posted by dj-obe1
ok, thanks everyone that took the time to read this.
i just started talkin to my ex again for the first time in like a year. when she first called me it was to let me start seein my son again and to work something out about that, even though i said nothin about gettin together, she kept pushin that she didnt want top get back with me. but last friday she met me up at nations and we all had a good time, she called me sat night to see if i wanted to go out and when i said no i was to tired, she cancelled her plans, kinda like she didnt want to go out with out me. now last night she had me come outside to meet her and have a cig with her, when she called she was already outside not knowing if i was there or not, basically she was driving around thinkin of me and decided to take her chances of comin over, im in love with this girl she knows it, last night was cold and she put her body againsnt mine to keep warm. does this sound like a girl thats not interested? this girl means alot to me.... but im confused about what i mean to her any clues? girls may have more to say about this than guys since im wondering about how she feels. thanks to you all again..


lay it on the line...confront her about it. its the only way you'll get the truth.

you always get the truth, even when you are getting run-around answers. because run-around answers should essentially be taken as "no." well, youll be better off taking it that way anyway.

[MaryAnarchy]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire
&quot;Wookin pa nub in all the wrong places&quot;

my kids sing this song

lookin for wuv in all da wong paces!

[lupitanahsee]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

And a much better ass. :D

:yes:

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by lupitanahsee


:yes:
See? I have impeccable references as to the fineness dis butt. :D

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by MaryAnarchy



lookin for wuv in all da wong paces!
:haha: "Wong paces"? Kids say the darndest things!