Marriage is craziness!! [Archive] - Buzzlife Message Board

Nquire

2003-12-29, 08:08 PM

Originally posted by badkitty3804
Is it a separation, or the big "D"? :puppydog:

I'm sorry sweetie. Maybe a short separation is what you guys need to remind you of the feelings. :sadblue: No I think we aregetting a Divorce. Things just arent working out for us. I feel like my life is off track.

Yakko Red

2003-12-29, 08:09 PM

Rule of thumb, don't get married.

Emotions and people change... it's a fact of life. Very rare nowadays will you meet anyone that you will be able to grow together with for a long period of time.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no one to talk to, believe me when i say I can relate to how you feel. Sitting alone and thinking too much with thoughts echoing in your head is just not healthy for those who feel like they are going out of their mind. The best thing to do is get with a buddy and start drinking, or at least just get out of the four walls that confine you and feel like you're only company.

Ya dig?

Nquire

2003-12-29, 08:11 PM

Originally posted by Yakko Red
Rule of thumb, don't get married.

Emotions and people change... it's a fact of life. Very rare nowadays will you meet anyone that you will be able to grow together with for a long period of time.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no one to talk to, believe me when i say I can relate to how you feel. Sitting alone and thinking too much with thoughts echoing in your head is just not healthy for those who feel like they are going out of their mind. The best thing to do is get with a buddy and start drinking, or at least just get out of the four walls that confine you and feel like you're only company.

Ya dig? :werd::chug

badkitty3804

2003-12-29, 08:11 PM

Exactly.

I find that single serving bar buddies are great too. You can whine and complain to them all night, then you never have to see them again. :shrug:

Yakko Red

2003-12-29, 08:15 PM

I don't whine in bars... I just drink and tell people to leave me alone.

Thursday I went to Red in DC and got so smashed that i didn't know how i got home as i woke up with all my clothes on. I just hope I didn't leave any voicemails of myself singing or anything of the sort while i blacked out.

Seriously, the best thing you can do is just find company. Don't drive yourself into insanity by thinking too much because that can later come out and push others that care about you away. Then you'll find yourself in a worse spot than the one you're currently in.

It can't rain all the time..

rajdeep

2003-12-29, 08:15 PM

I dont even know what I am thinking right now. I just have no one to talk to.
I'd say you should get a trusted friend to mediate for you guys - sort out the issues etc. Sometimes being around each other and in each other's hair can also get on the nerves. To that end a short trip away from each other can also help.

I say you guys should try to make it work.

badkitty3804

2003-12-29, 08:16 PM

Originally posted by Yakko Red
I just hope I didn't leave any voicemails of myself singing or anything of the sort while i blacked out.

I haven't gotten one of those in WAY too long. :shady:

the ultimate words of wisdom:

"Life's a garden, dig it"

SCHLiTZ

2003-12-29, 08:33 PM

Originally posted by rajdeep

I'd say you should get a trusted friend to mediate for you guys - sort out the issues etc. Sometimes being around each other and in each other's hair can also get on the nerves. To that end a short trip away from each other can also help.

I say you guys should try to make it work.

this is a wise idea.... if once you thought that you two would be together forever, it is still there somewhere. somebody else's input may make you guys be able to see things through....

badkitty3804

2003-12-29, 08:35 PM

If you can go through marriage, you can at least try your best to make it work. Seek counseling. Seriously. It can't hurt.

housecat

2003-12-29, 08:50 PM

Wow. I'm sorry Donnie :(

housecat

2003-12-29, 08:52 PM

Originally posted by badkitty3804
If you can go through marriage, you can at least try your best to make it work. Seek counseling. Seriously. It can't hurt.
That is very good advice. Go to marriage counseling. My gf's parents made her and her now husband go BEFORE they got married. It helped :)

LadyJ

2003-12-29, 09:00 PM

Donnie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know how long this has gone on or what the two of you might have tried as far as working things out, but if you haven't tried counseling or a temporary separation, those are very good options before you do something as permanent as divorce. Obviously, the two of you love one another enough to stay together 6 years, to get married, and to have a child. At some point, there was something there. If you're sure it's time to let go, do it, but be fair to yourself, Kelly, and the baby and be sure.

LovinBuzz

2003-12-29, 09:10 PM

Donnie Im sorry about this. It was good seeing you out the other night. Keep your head up man.

El Magnifico

2003-12-29, 09:11 PM

Originally posted by badkitty3804
If you can go through marriage, you can at least try your best to make it work. Seek counseling. Seriously. It can't hurt.

Actually, from personal experience, counseling can make things worse. That's all I've got to say about that.

badkitty3804

2003-12-29, 09:14 PM

If it's headed for Divorce anyways...why not give it a shot. :shrug:

pojimoko

2003-12-29, 09:16 PM

if u need someone to talk to, let me know. i've done the big "D" and then some.

the sex molesters

2003-12-29, 09:57 PM

i think cliff is right.... alcohol is your friend, mother, secret lover..... well, it's mine anyway.

marriage is crazy. children complicate things even more. that's why i must seriously question whether they are for me. i would suggest the same for you if it weren't too late.... you know, if it weren't for hindsight, we'd have no sight at all.....

i really hope things work out for you. sometimes, though, you just gotta realize that maybe you did make a mistake, and the best thing you can do is correct it. but you know i think that this is a REALLY big decision to make... perhaps even bigger than the decision to marry in the first place.

lots of thinking should be involved. and lots of alcohol. that's all the advice i can give.

DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR

2003-12-29, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by El Magnifico

Actually, from personal experience, counseling can make things worse. That's all I've got to say about that.

My personal experience is only in family therapy... but that shite made things worse than they ever were before :gotme:

I'm so sorry that you're going thru this hon :smooch: I hope things get better soon!

the sex molesters

2003-12-29, 10:03 PM

i liked family therapy. my therapist said that there was nothing wrong with me and that my mother needs to chill out. :D

DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR

2003-12-29, 10:04 PM

Yeah. Several of my therapists have all told me that I'm pretty normal, and that my dad was the problem.

One even told my mother that it wasn't evil for me to have body piercings....

Still... it made things worse around the house :gotme:

the sex molesters

2003-12-29, 10:05 PM

:haha: nice.

DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR

2003-12-29, 10:11 PM

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But to look at it from an outside view... I really admire a therapist who has a 21 year old girl walk in wearing huge pink UFO pants, a carebear shirt, pigtails, piercings, and tattoos..... and STILL tell the parents that their child is 'normal'

Yay. Hear that? I'm normal. Parents are not. Justice, finally!

the sex molesters

2003-12-29, 10:13 PM

wait.... that's not normal?

DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR

2003-12-29, 10:16 PM

:shrug: I thought so... apparently my parents didn't.....

:delirious:

Nquire

2003-12-30, 12:02 AM

Thanx for theadvice. So many things running through my mind right now.

kathy v

2003-12-30, 12:12 AM

I married my best friend and things have been great for many years. I think when people say you have to "work" at a marriage it sounds like such a struggle and so forced and difficult--it doesn't have to be. Just remember what good friends you are to one another or were to one another at one time. Keep that in mind--it's really hard to disappoint, disrespect, hurt....a friend. Wishing you the best.

Kat
"im not worthy"

Blue_Kitten

2003-12-30, 12:51 AM

The Drifter

2003-12-30, 02:02 AM

After seeing my dad get his heart broken twice makes me wonder if its actually worth it.

punkasschikadee

2003-12-30, 02:07 AM

all i can say is that i hope everything works out for the best... whether that means in your relationship, or out of it.
i really hope you feel better.
*hugs*

iminxtc

2003-12-30, 02:20 AM

sorry to hear about the separation, also sorry you feel off track and have no one to talk to. i hope things work out and you can find happiness again.

Wickity

2003-12-30, 02:57 AM

Sorry to hear it Donny...

Feel free to get in touch. And if you guys are interested in staying together, then I'm sure you can find a way...

If you've already tried and/or decided that you really want the split.. Just try to remain civil. It doesn't do any good to be all hostile, and it will really make things worse in the end.

Good luck and best wishes...

bboyneko

2003-12-30, 03:37 AM

no offense but you were prolly pretty young to be married, early 20 marriages arent always the best idea

LaZyCrZy

2003-12-30, 04:04 AM

true i don't know why people marry that young.. even 18 and 19... you think you're mature but you're not when you're that age

iminxtc

2003-12-30, 04:12 AM

i do not ever want to marry.

LaZyCrZy

2003-12-30, 04:16 AM

you say that now.... :afterbuzz:

genna

2003-12-30, 04:28 AM

Originally posted by kathy v
I married my best friend and things have been great for many years. I think when people say you have to "work" at a marriage it sounds like such a struggle and so forced and difficult--it doesn't have to be. Just remember what good friends you are to one another or were to one another at one time. Keep that in mind--it's really hard to disappoint, disrespect, hurt....a friend. Wishing you the best.

Kat
"im not worthy"

Very wise :) Being best friends is probably the most important thing in long marriage.

Unfortunately, most people totally misunderstand the purpose of marriage and a) rush into it(because they are in-love) or b) get out of it too soon(because they are not in-love anymore).... But I have no idea what the situation here is...

Either way, sorry to hear that. Hope it will work out.

cleophite

2003-12-30, 05:51 AM

Originally posted by bboyneko
no offense but you were prolly pretty young to be married, early 20 marriages arent always the best idea :werd:

your early twenties are confusing because you feel like a full blown adult, but you're still going through major life changes. the younger you get married, the higher the likelihood you'll split ways simply because there are so many changes you still need to go through and so many options left to explore. perhaps you two are outgrowing each other. it hurts and its painful, but these things do happen. i don't know what issues you're having, but i would really encourage the notion of marriage counseling, because why not give it one more shot? sometimes a third party is what's needed.

overall, do what's best for you and your child. a common misconception is that its better for parents to make the marriage work for the kid's sake, but honestly, its better for both parents to be seperate yet active in the child's life rather than together and unhappy. it sets a much healthier example.

keep your head up sweetheart. here's to hoping things work out for the best :smooch:

Webslinger

2003-12-30, 06:01 AM

I hate to say that I have been on this ride myself. Although all and all I feel I am a much better person for it. I did learn alot from being married. I was fortinate enough to see the sign my mom went through when she was with my dad so the second I got a chance to bail I did. That may sound cold but my dad actually off'ed himself while my mom was standing right infront of him. Just like to say I never want to go through that, so if abondoning ship was worng for this captain I do not want to be right.

sirenofthestorm

2003-12-30, 10:49 AM

Separation is never ever easy. The wounds heal slow and it is easy to want to do rash things to prove your love or that you are over the relationship. I read a great book if you want to try and work on things. I AM NOT a self-help type but this book helped me when I split with my last relationship.
Getting the Love You Want- H. Hendrix
Hope to see you smiling some day.

Light Touch

2003-12-30, 12:02 PM

Bitches. :shrug:

Julierose

2003-12-30, 12:34 PM

Originally posted by cleophite
:werd:

your early twenties are confusing because you feel like a full blown adult, but you're still going through major life changes. the younger you get married, the higher the likelihood you'll split ways simply because there are so many changes you still need to go through and so many options left to explore. perhaps you two are outgrowing each other. it hurts and its painful, but these things do happen. i don't know what issues you're having, but i would really encourage the notion of marriage counseling, because why not give it one more shot? sometimes a third party is what's needed.

well said...

:puppydog: :sok:

nyhope

2003-12-30, 01:02 PM

i am really sorry to read that you are having such a tough time donnie. i hope things get better (in whatever direction better may be)

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

Originally posted by Yakko Red
Rule of thumb, don't get married.

Emotions and people change... it's a fact of life. Very rare nowadays will you meet anyone that you will be able to grow together with for a long period of time.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no one to talk to, believe me when i say I can relate to how you feel. Sitting alone and thinking too much with thoughts echoing in your head is just not healthy for those who feel like they are going out of their mind. The best thing to do is get with a buddy and start drinking, or at least just get out of the four walls that confine you and feel like you're only company.

Ya dig?

my parents started dating when my mom was 18, they married when she was 21. (she met him when she was 12) 31 years later they are still married. i just spent a week with two other couples who have been married just as long. my parents aren't perfect and my family is definitely dysfunctional but they love each other and they love their children. and in all honesty, they are an inspiration for what i want in my life.

escaping or running away from your problems won't make them cease to exist. too many people rush into bad situations or delude themselves into thinking a certain person is right for them just because they want someone to be right for them.

Fetterbug

2003-12-30, 01:41 PM

I thought I had this whole marriage and divorce thing figured out.
BUT, after 23 years of marriage, then 17 years of divorce, my parents are now dating again. :scared:
My dad (the reason for the divorce) said he had wished for this since the day he left, and my mom couldn't be happier. :FUBAR:

I am a firm believer that a marriage is always a work in progress. You cannot expect you or your spouse to stay the same as you were on your wedding day. The trick is to find a path where you can grow together-which is easier said than done.

I will keep you and you family in my prayers, as this is undoubtedly a troubling time for all of you. In the end, you need to do what is right in your heart; and after you have done it, take care of your child no matter what.

SecretDesire

2003-12-30, 01:52 PM

:smooch:
Hang in there Don............
Corey and I are here for you if you need us.
Let me know if coming out on NYE with us or not.

This has been building for a while............. I think it will be good for Justice to see you guys happier and getting back on track. Even if its not together............ he's been such a trooper through it all.
No-matter what- remember he loves you and your his "Daddy" and he looks up to you. No-matter how rough it may get now.

I know you and Kel have been through some bad times- you two are strong and you will get through this. You guys have surprised me time & time again. I think you both just need some room to breath right now and cool off.

I sent you a pm.

XOXO,
Shana

Robby9969

2003-12-30, 02:17 PM

Originally posted by Fetterbug
I thought I had this whole marriage and divorce thing figured out.
BUT, after 23 years of marriage, then 17 years of divorce, my parents are now dating again. :scared:
My dad (the reason for the divorce) said he had wished for this since the day he left, and my mom couldn't be happier. :FUBAR:

I am a firm believer that a marriage is always a work in progress. You cannot expect you or your spouse to stay the same as you were on your wedding day. The trick is to find a path where you can grow together-which is easier said than done.

I will keep you and you family in my prayers, as this is undoubtedly a troubling time for all of you. In the end, you need to do what is right in your heart; and after you have done it, take care of your child no matter what.

Exactly, my parents have been together for 25 years... They have had their fights, and hard times, but they have worked through them... Talk, listen, be receptive and love...

For better or worse... Remember that....

mtigressa2001

2003-12-30, 04:41 PM

hey after reading what you 1st posted my opinion is that if you love her and you know you have never felt this way about anyone…. Have you tried counseling…I guess both of you should really try to make your marriage work. If you two have tried every possible way and there is more hurt and pain being done to each other rather than love than you know its time to move on. It’s hard it’s very hard. I was never married but my son’s father and I were together 6 years and after my son was born he spilt so I know what you mean about how hard it will be to move on cause you never felt that way before. But again if you have given your 100% and more in trying to make it work than you reach a point that you just can’t anymore. Good luck hun and if you ever want to talk just pm me. Don’t turn to alcohol that isn’t the way you want to go. Find friends and surround yourself with good company and maybe go out and have fun…… clear your thoughts….. Maybe, like it was said before, separating maybe the right thing right now it might help you two realize how much you do need each other. Marriage isn’t easy and it takes a lot if you made it through 2 years you guys can make it through many more. Nowadays people don’t even reach there first year. Good luck….. your in my prayers :smooch:

Nquire

2003-12-30, 04:57 PM

Originally posted by mtigressa2001
hey after reading what you 1st posted my opinion is that if you love her and you know you have never felt this way about anyone…. Have you tried counseling…I guess both of you should really try to make your marriage work. If you two have tried every possible way and there is more hurt and pain being done to each other rather than love than you know its time to move on. It’s hard it’s very hard. I was never married but my son’s father and I were together 6 years and after my son was born he spilt so I know what you mean about how hard it will be to move on cause you never felt that way before. But again if you have given your 100% and more in trying to make it work than you reach a point that you just can’t anymore. Good luck hun and if you ever want to talk just pm me. Don’t turn to alcohol that isn’t the way you want to go. Find friends and surround yourself with good company and maybe go out and have fun…… clear your thoughts….. Maybe, like it was said before, separating maybe the right thing right now it might help you two realize how much you do need each other. Marriage isn’t easy and it takes a lot if you made it through 2 years you guys can make it through many more. Nowadays people don’t even reach there first year. Good luck….. your in my prayers :smooch: Thank you everyone for the advice! It has been a tough tough and long 2 days. :thumbsup:

method

2004-01-01, 01:33 PM

definitely don't cloud your mind now...that's for when things are going so well you don't have to worry about them!

no matter what anyone says, it's never too late until someone stops trying; and that's just state of mind. many condolences to you. good luck.

you might want to check out a favorite author of mine; he's very insightful. check out "thich naht hanh", particularly "teachings on love". even if things don't work out, you'll probably feel better.

zartan

2004-01-01, 01:45 PM

damn good recommendation! thich naht hanh is an amazing zen master and teacher. very, very good call, very good way to put things in perspective.

zartan

2004-01-01, 01:46 PM

its actually spelled thich nhat hanh

e

method

2004-01-01, 01:51 PM

thanks, i wasn't sure about that...

Valencia Styles

2004-01-03, 04:32 PM

omg donnie i am SO sorry to hear about this. you guys were two people i looked up to when it came to young people getting married. i hope you guys can keep it together. sometimes a little distance can really make the heart grow fonder so please please please keep your head up. :smooch:

Valencia Styles

2004-01-03, 04:37 PM

relationships are very very hard work and you're not alone when it comes to ripping your hair out at times. the worst thing about it is that the "work" that's being referred to here is solely emotional stress. being able to overcome that and still look at that person in a positive sense is so incredibly hard to do. people say things and do things that can be extremely shitty and recovering from the blows your significant other throws your way is a very painful ordeal. i think that when it starts getting to those points when you're just down eachothers throats constantly, you should just try to keep your distance. eventually you both come to your senses and realize that it was stupid anyway, no matter how gun ho you were about winning the argument before. i wish you the best of luck sweetheart and i hope things will work out in your favor. i'll say a prayer as well.

Valencia Styles

2004-01-03, 04:40 PM

also if it's any consolation, my parents got married in their early 20s and they both weren't finished with their partying to really settle down so they got divorced and stayed apart for 6 years and then remarried and have been together ever since. one of their anniversaries is coming up on january 16th the second one is in july and they always celebrate both :D

Bunny

2004-01-03, 04:41 PM

Originally posted by Nquire
After 4 years of dating and 2 years of marriage my wife and I are now splitting up. I have never in my life felt for someone like I do her, so I didnt realize how hard it would be to split up. I dont even know what I am thinking right now. I just have no one to talk to.

Oh my god!! Repeat of my life right now!! Seriously, me and my husband have been married for almost 2 years after 2 years of dating each other. About 3 months ago we split up and I feel like I lost my best friend. He didn't even want to try to work things out with me. He demanded that he wanted a divorce. So what do I do now?? He was my whole life for the past 4 years. As for advice I don't have any, but I can tell you I understand completely how you feel right now.

Valencia Styles

2004-01-03, 04:48 PM

my condolences go out to you both.

Buddafly

2004-01-03, 05:08 PM

Originally posted by nyhope
[B] my parents started dating when my mom was 18, they married when she was 21. (B]

my parents met in some correctional school many years ago. (I guess that's where I get my mischevious ways) my mom had me when she was 17, and my dad was 18. they got married about a year after I was born, so now they've been married for 21 years. I think they've actually been together for 23.

there have been VERY bad times, but there have also been very good times. my parents had to grow up quick, which was really rough on them. I can't say I didn't hate seeing them argue, or hide under the sheets when I heard voices raising... but looking back now, I'm glad they stayed together. it seems to be a rare thing when a couple makes a marriage work. expecially for the long haul.

they still have ups and downs and they have more financial problems than they did before... but they go through it together. they still love eachother very much, though sometimes it's hard to tell. if they can do it though, you can too.

I don't know the details of what's going on between you two, but remember your vows. they're special words that seem to be taken for granted now. you also have a special bond through you child. while you should think of her before you make any rash decisions, you shouldn't stay together for her either. that'll make you dislike eachother even more, and she'll feel it growing up.

I hope you see this as some sort of advice, and not mindless babble. good luck hun :smooch:

Bunny

2004-01-03, 06:02 PM

I forgot to tell you that I hope the two of you can work things out. Maybe after time, you can get back together.

badkitty3804

2004-01-04, 03:31 AM

Word to that Becky.

My parents have been together 31 years. They dated for two years and got married after my mom got preggers (her senior year). Ups and downs, but A LOT of hard work and patience makes it worth it. It's sad how many people think that love is enough and that you don't have to work at it. :no:

Nquire

2004-01-04, 01:11 PM

I definatley think patience is a big part in a marriage, but what sux is this isn't the first time this happened. I really do wish I could work this out for my family's sake. I hurt, she hurts, and my son is confused. Thanx for all the advice people. It is greatly appreciated!!:thumbsup:

Valencia Styles

2004-01-04, 01:59 PM

my parents did the same and emily's and becky's... they met at saint teresa's private school in DC in the 4th grade and have known eachother ever since. i have had christmas' and birthdays ruined because of their fighting, i have heard the we're getting divorced you're going to live with your dad now speech..... my family has been through it all and yet i'm still thankful that they've held it together after all of these years because the older i get the more i appreciate their hard work and patience with eachother through the good times and the bad.

Bunny

2004-01-05, 07:41 PM

Originally posted by Nquire
I definatley think patience is a big part in a marriage, but what sux is this isn't the first time this happened. I really do wish I could work this out for my family's sake. I hurt, she hurts, and my son is confused. Thanx for all the advice people. It is greatly appreciated!!:thumbsup:

The problems I have just keep repeating themselves. Every argument that we have I have to deal with him threatening me that he wants a divorce. It has become such an emotional burden to have to hear that every time. It is bad enough that we got into an argument, but then to make it worse he throws that in my face. And I am supposed to trust him?? What kind of trust is that??