This is just a scenario..I want to see...

[mtigressa2001]

what you all say :)...
ok so there are two people that know they like each other but have to much going on in their lives to form or come out and say they are in a relationship....but when they see each other or talk to each other you seem like you are...but the guy tells you that he doesn't want to label what you have and that he doesn't want a serious relationship.... and the girl doesn't want one either but gets confused as to what’s going on between them because sometimes he shows more feelings than other days...

Now in this type of scenario how many risks are there of getting hurt? What if someone else asks you out, should the person you are talking too ("in a sense") know? Or it doesn't matter because you too are really "just friends" Can a friendship be ruined going on this route?

Lets see what you all think?
:menthol:

[retail]

:hypnotized:

[orangeglow]

They should just :buttsex: and get it over with.

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by orangeglow
They should just :buttsex: and get it over with.

so if they do that if they haven't already what happens then doesn't that complicate things more? or should they just leave it all as being only friends no feelings involved what so ever?

[DNAgirl]

Originally posted by retail
:hypnotized:

:stupid:

[mtigressa2001]

???

[orangeglow]

Originally posted by mtigressa2001


so if they do that if they haven't already what happens then doesn't that complicate things more?

It could, or it could make them realize that they like each other and cement their relationship. Its a tossup.

[Wickity]

Life is risk, either take what you have and leave it alone, or go for it, and see what happens..
there will always be a risk of pain... what if you don't try to develop the relationship? Will the other person get bored and leave sooner or later? who knows? Just do eeet.

Besides, I know you want me. :tarvis:

http://www.shadoware.com/personal/images/troll.gif

[SCHLiTZ]

just :buttsex: and get it over with....

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by Wickity
Life is risk, either take what you have and leave it alone, or go for it, and see what happens..
there will always be a risk of pain... what if you don't try to develop the relationship? Will the other person get bored and leave sooner or later? who knows? Just do eeet.

Besides, I know you want me. :tarvis:

http://www.shadoware.com/personal/images/troll.gif

so basically leave all as is, go with the flow and see what happens what about the question about getting asked out by someone else....does the other have a right to know, do you tell him, do ask if it would bother him? or you just go on the date cause it doesn't matter you two are just friends?

[Biodigit]

It is so obvious that you're an involved party of this scenerio. Why dont you just spill the beans and tell us the whole story. :D

[Wickity]

Actually, I highly advocate trying to take it the next level, I was just saying you have risk in either situation. So, do what you think will make you happiest.. Or even better, go a little emotional, and do whatever you *feel* is better..

[tranKwilized]

:ontome:

[uberclkgtr]

Originally posted by mtigressa2001
what about the question about getting asked out by someone else....does the other have a right to know, do you tell him, do ask if it would bother him? or you just go on the date cause it doesn't matter you two are just friends?

use your noggin. don't hurt the other person. talk about it with them. :yes:

[uberclkgtr]

and ask yourself why you're going on other dates with other guys in the first place. is it because you want to date others instead of dating this guy, or is it because you can't get with this guy for some reason, and dating others is the next best thing in the meantime. nothing wrong with either of those, but the answer should point you in the direction you should go.

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by Biodigit
It is so obvious that you're an involved party of this scenerio. Why dont you just spill the beans and tell us the whole story. :D
this isn't for me but someone close to me just need you all to help, I've given her some advice but I wanted to see what others thought....

if it were me i would spill the beans ;)

[Wickity]

Ed Zachary.

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by uberclkgtr
and ask yourself why you're going on other dates with other guys in the first place. is it because you want to date others instead of dating this guy, or is it because you can't get with this guy for some reason, and dating others is the next best thing in the meantime. nothing wrong with either of those, but the answer should point you in the direction you should go.

from her explanation, if someone does end up asking her out on a date, her feeling from what she gets of the whole situation is that she can go cause he made it clear to her that they weren't an item.....but then does she tell him or just go.... 1/2 of her tells her that she doesn't have to clear it with him but the other 1/2 is saying well he has somewhat a right......

she is very confused trust me which is why i offered to help :)

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by Wickity
Ed Zachary.
what?

[Wickity]

Ed Zachary = Exactly...
Say it out loud..

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by Wickity
Ed Zachary = Exactly...
Say it out loud..

riiiiiiiiiiiiight :chug

[tranKwilized]

Is your friend a board member?

[mtigressa2001]

That is why I offered to see what you all thought and that maybe you all could give her a different opinion.

[Wickity]

Yeah, you just came out here cause you want me...
We know what's up for real.

:snog:

[tranKwilized]

I see, I see. Hrmm.. Well it's in my opinion that she should at least mention it to him. Give him a chance to evaluate the situation a little closer and maybe it will atleast make him think harder about where he wants to go with the relationship.

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by Wickity
Yeah, you just came out here cause you want me...
We know what's up for real.

:snog:

:smooch::smooch: :smooch:

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by tranKwilized
I see, I see. Hrmm.. Well it's in my opinion that she should at least mention it to him. Give him a chance to evaluate the situation a little closer and maybe it will atleast make him think harder about where he wants to go with the relationship.

I agree witcha on that..... :thumbsup:

[Wickity]

:werd:

[Sarawithanh]

Originally posted by mtigressa2001
what you all say :)...
ok so there are two people that know they like each other but have to much going on in their lives to form or come out and say they are in a relationship....but when they see each other or talk to each other you seem like you are...but the guy tells you that he doesn't want to label what you have and that he doesn't want a serious relationship.... and the girl doesn't want one either but gets confused as to what’s going on between them because sometimes he shows more feelings than other days...

Now in this type of scenario how many risks are there of getting hurt? What if someone else asks you out, should the person you are talking too ("in a sense") know? Or it doesn't matter because you too are really "just friends" Can a friendship be ruined going on this route?


this sounds like the predicament i was in a year ago...I had met this guy March 1, 2001 and we messed around, but he was into other things that i didnt approve of and i didnt want to get hurt, so we stayed friends, hung out all the time, talked all the time. i hurt him a little later in March by starting to date this other boy. we continued to talk all the time, i knew i had hurt him but he also didnt look like he was gonna give up what he was doing. so May rolls around (summertime) i break up w/ this other boy cuz he was too far away and i didnt care for him. so summer time i hung out w/ the boy i met all the time, we talked al lthe time and i soon began to fall in love, but kept my distance. end of summer, i professed my feelings, he flat out rejected me and told me he jsut committed to someone else, i was hurt. spent Fall semester 01 hurt, but then still talked to him all the time, still saw him all the time, he eventually broke up w/ his gf. and we continued be best of friends, etc etc. playing our usual game of cat & mouse. Halloween i asked him what he wanted with our relationship (fuck buddies, gf/bf), he put me off, still being a wuss and i accepted it cuz i was happy just being with him...thanksgiving rolls around and he says he wants to take me to Ruths Chris. I'mso confused by this, b/c i had been getting asked out by other guys. but i felt so strongly bout him that we went out and then i was so confused, so a week later. i basically gave him an ultimatimum and was like, do you want to be with me? cuz if you dont I cant keep messing w/ you, its fucking me up emotionally, i have other ppl who would like to date me. and he committed, he was just such a wuss. i've been there for him thru all this bad stuff, hes quit everything cuz of me, and he just basically didnt want to ruin our friendship, he didnt want to loose me, he was afraid of hurting me if we decided to make it official. I promised him that he wouldnt ever loose me and that if our relationship didnt work out, we'd still be best friends. its now almost a yr later (December 1st) and we're still going strong!! ...yes, a lot of hurt has occured during all these phases of our relationship...so its up to you. how do you feel? do you want to take the risk? I decided to take the risk and it worked out :raveon: hope this helps...

[mtigressa2001]

this does sound alot like her story, I will make sure to pass this along to her, thanks for your help and your opinion..... :thumbsup:

[tranKwilized]

Kill whitey.



and goodnight.

[The Logic Theorist]

The way adult relationships work is not "hey we're dating now" "okay hey we're going out now." Two people meet, things happen, they spend the amount of time together that they feel is appropriate. They become exclusive when both people aren't interested in other people anymore. Sometimes this happens more quickly for one than the other, sometimes it happens right away, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all and the two people go their seperate ways. I don't think she really needs to be looking for the relationship to be put into words. If she feels like seeing someone else, I think that says a lot about what she wants and/or is getting out of the relationship. If she feels a doubt about whether or not she should tell him, she probably should. Communication will always go a lot further towards a resolution than stumbling blindly and expecting each other to be mind readers. Also, if she would want to know if he was going on a date with another girl, then she should most definately tell him about her date.

It seems to me that she's insecure without definition, and is looking for ways to force some sort of statement about what's going on. The relationship he seems to want is to just go with the flow. I'm sure if they both have as much going on in their lives as you say, the days when he doesn't seem as interested are simply days he's stressed about life. And that's precisely why he doesn't want to commit to anything, commitment means obligation and adding another obligation is out of his ability.

She needs to figure out if she can get what she wants out of the relationship the way it is now, by having confidence in the situation -without- labeling it, or if she needs something different. Neither is wrong. -BUT- if she's not happy with things the way they are, she needs to figure out if she can learn to be happy with the situation, or she needs to move on.

Long post once again..

[brkbt junglegrl]

i still love ya!! *mwaaaaaaaaaaahz* my big sistaaaaaaaah!

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by brkbt junglegrl
i still love ya!! *mwaaaaaaaaaaahz* my big sistaaaaaaaah!

what huh? lol wuz up baby gurl hey pm me i have to tell you something ok :) ;)

[brkbt junglegrl]

heh? Freak in the morning....Freak in the evening...jus like me...haha ok *mwahs*

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by brkbt junglegrl
heh? Freak in the morning....Freak in the evening...jus like me...haha ok *mwahs*

lol lol you are not making any sense although i luv your new aviator :smooch:

[mtigressa2001]

Originally posted by logictheorist
The way adult relationships work is not "hey we're dating now" "okay hey we're going out now." Two people meet, things happen, they spend the amount of time together that they feel is appropriate. They become exclusive when both people aren't interested in other people anymore. Sometimes this happens more quickly for one than the other, sometimes it happens right away, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all and the two people go their seperate ways. I don't think she really needs to be looking for the relationship to be put into words. If she feels like seeing someone else, I think that says a lot about what she wants and/or is getting out of the relationship. If she feels a doubt about whether or not she should tell him, she probably should. Communication will always go a lot further towards a resolution than stumbling blindly and expecting each other to be mind readers. Also, if she would want to know if he was going on a date with another girl, then she should most definately tell him about her date.

It seems to me that she's insecure without definition, and is looking for ways to force some sort of statement about what's going on. The relationship he seems to want is to just go with the flow. I'm sure if they both have as much going on in their lives as you say, the days when he doesn't seem as interested are simply days he's stressed about life. And that's precisely why he doesn't want to commit to anything, commitment means obligation and adding another obligation is out of his ability.

She needs to figure out if she can get what she wants out of the relationship the way it is now, by having confidence in the situation -without- labeling it, or if she needs something different. Neither is wrong. -BUT- if she's not happy with things the way they are, she needs to figure out if she can learn to be happy with the situation, or she needs to move on.

Long post once again..



THANKS TO ALL OF YOU :smooch: I'll will make sure that she reads all of your comments hopefully she will have a better idea of what to do. We buzzboarders rock:raveon:

[The Logic Theorist]

Just remember.. my advice-fu is strong.

[Valencia Styles]

logic that was awesome and i totally agree.... just tell her to revert back to the old saying: what's in a name?

he's right, two people are exclusive when they don't care to see other people anymore and are content with eachother. there's no need to label that. this isn't the second grade where someone passes you a note saying: will you be my girlfriend? check yes or no..... adult relationships have less of a definition and if she wants it to succeed then she needs to back away some and let things take their own route. everything will come out in the wash eventually... it may be time consuming, but she needs to have faith if she's that serious. treat it as a relationship by taking care of eachothers needs and not screwing around on eachother and you're respect and admiration will grow and possibly lead you to love. or in other words, just tell her to chiiiillllll! :D

[Shawn_E]

damn I hate coming into threads late, I had good advice but forget it. pffsst