"You can talk to me..."

[Yakko Red]

Everyone has issues in their lives... and people can somtimes tell that under the surface there is a lot going on.

That's when people decided to be a helpful ear and say "You can always talk to me..." I want to point out that it's very sincere that people offer that up, but at the same time I also think "are you fucking kidding me?"

When someone says that to me, I appreciate it, I really do. To be honest though, how can you reveal what's going on behind the eyes you view the world with to someone that doesn't know you that well?

Personally, i can't talk to anyone that doesn't know my past and my present. If I'm going to divulge about what is bothering me or has me down, I'm basically revealing cracks in my walls and showing vulnerability. Either that or I'm revealing a part of me or a part of my past that I don't want to be very public knowledge That's something you can't trust any Joe Schmo with in my opinion....

If I'm going to talk to someone, they need to know all the aspects of my life, at least the current ones. (the past ones are on a need to know basis)

I catch myself being hypocritical because I have offered the same to others I barely know, but also I feel it's something you ask once, asking twice is pushing it. I also don't tell many people they can talk to me, because I honestly couldn't give a fuck about you if you're not one of my friends. (acquaintances are not friends... people that just say hi to me at a club are just acquaintances... keep that in mind)

Thoughts?

(my attempt to bring a decent thread to this board)

[badkitty3804]

I see this a lot.

It's kind of like when someone says "Hi, How ya doing?" and then look at you like you're nuts because you tell them.

It's simply a 'sentiment'. :shrug:

[Yakko Red]

i don't have time for superficiality myself, i don't consider what i'm speaking about above as that though, but i definitely pick up what you're putting down.

[SCHLiTZ]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


If I'm going to talk to someone, they need to know all the aspects of my life, at least the current ones. (the past ones are on a need to know basis)



This is why I will never go to a shrink... ever.

[A.J. Inx]

Just because we're talking, don't think we're friends...

I get this a lot, too. You find it everywhere... from the bar and the club to work...or even at home with a brother/sister/parent/legal gaurdian... It's been my experience that people REALLY don't give a fuck, but they want to look like they do. They're nice, and tell you if you need somethin', they'll be there... but when push comes to shove, they're always the first to run away or simply not be there. Still, however, because they offered you this useless peice of sentiment, they expect -you- to listen to all their lil whimpy, whiney, emo-depresso complaints like you're a priest and their some kind of confessor...and you're going to take away all their sins.

Bull Shit.

My .02

[Shawn_E]

Not really, even though we are all different, the common denominator is that we are all humans and pretty much have gone through the same things. Granted it wasn't from that person' point of view that they experienced what you are going through, but it doesn't mean they can't relate to give you insight.

Not to mention some are just that empathatic they can understand your pains, I am one of those types who say you can talk to me b/c I truly will understand.

[tranKwilized]

I believe that most of the time when someone says, "You can talk to me," they are not sincere. Especially people you barely know. It's just a courtousy ---- unless it's a real freind of course.

Think about it.. I'd say about 9 - 10 times when you tell someone "I'm here if you need me," or something along those lines, that the person in question is going to thank you and not discuss the issue. So there is a high probability that when you offer support, the other person will not accept it. Makes it a lot easier to make yourself look good and not have to follow through with the offer at the same time.

Just my opinion.

[bkidz]

As referenced above, that is the primary reason I stay out of particular forums. Unless a thread has been hijacked and buffoonery abounds, then I'm so there.

Also, I have divulged certain aspects of my life in particular forums in order to relate to others, but I am certain that the majority of people on the board don't pay attention or don't care. Oh Well. . .

[Milkman John]

first, you need a drink...

second....atleast people are attempting to listen....what i find worse than trying to talk to someone who doesn't know jack about me(which is alot of people), is when i can't find anyone to listen.........

i dunno...can't really be picky with such things...

then again, do you feel like they actually mean it,or are just trying to be nice.....

[Mandaba]

i'm sincere when i ask "how are you" "what's up" "anything i can do to help?" "wanna talk about it?" i wouldnt ask if i didnt mean it.

[A.J. Inx]

Shrinks are full of a lot of B.S., too... Some are good, and if you've been going to a particularly good doctor for an extended amount of time, they can usually asses the problem and offer some helpful advice... but that's about it...

And at between $100 - $200 a visit, that's some fuckin' expensive advice....

[tranKwilized]

Originally posted by A.J. Inx
And at between $100 - $200 a visit, that's some fuckin' expensive advice....

Yes, but it's "educated" advice :)

[Shawn_E]

Who else are going to pay for their porsche 911?

[SCHLiTZ]

Originally posted by A.J. Inx
they can usually asses the problem

that's assess.... you put the em-pahsis on the wrong sy-lab-el....

[bkidz]

Not me :noway:

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by A.J. Inx
...

Still, however, because they offered you this useless peice of sentiment, they expect -you- to listen to all their lil whimpy, whiney, emo-depresso complaints like you're a priest and their some kind of confessor...and you're going to take away all their sins.

Bull Shit.

My .02


That's another thing, when I say "hey you can talk to me" and people do, i'm not looking to hand out IOUs of people I can bitch to about my life. It's never like "you talked to me, now i'm going to talk to you". There is nothing more annoying in life when you tell someone your problems and they start talking about their own life issues that have no correalation to your own.

People PM me sometimes saying "Sorry you're having problems.. let me tell you what so and so said about me..."

Listen, my problems are way above a little shit talking, at least the ones that get me down. So sharing anyone's problems about their social circle drama do nothing for me except make me think they don't have any independant thoughts or a life outside the soap opera that is our scene.

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Shawn_E
Not really, even though we are all different, the common denominator is that we are all humans and pretty much have gone through the same things. Granted it wasn't from that person' point of view that they experienced what you are going through, but it doesn't mean they can't relate to give you insight.

Not to mention some are just that empathatic they can understand your pains, I am one of those types who say you can talk to me b/c I truly will understand.

All of us have gone through pretty much the same things? No way.

If anyone wants to drive me up a fucking wall, say "I know how you feel". No matter how much you tell someone, they will never truly know how you feel unless somehow they could be in your exact shoes. I even make it a point to tell anyone I'm listening to, to actually say "I can relate to that" because to me there is a big difference.

Just becasome someone is empathetic doens't mean they can understand my pains, and no matter how much i divulge, no one will be able to truly understand.

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by tranKwilized

Think about it.. I'd say about 9 - 10 times when you tell someone "I'm here if you need me," or something along those lines, that the person in question is going to thank you and not discuss the issue. So there is a high probability that when you offer support, the other person will not accept it. Makes it a lot easier to make yourself look good and not have to follow through with the offer at the same time.

Just my opinion.

I will never say "I'm here for you" unless I'm willing to go the distance. I hate it when people say that shit and in the end they're really not, they're just trying to give off an appearance that they care and make themselves feel like they are a better person.

On this board, there are only three people I'm "there for" and I'm prepared to do anything for them.. and I mean anything. There are different degrees of being there for someone, and there are other people i would do a lot for, but i wouldn't lay my life down on the line for them.

My loyalty is unwavered and the best out there.... superficiality will not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form. Any new acquaintance that i get to know displaying those qualities will quickly find themselves on the outside looking in very quickly.

It sucks, but time is the fire in which we burn, and I value it highly, and I despise people wasting it.

[Shawn_E]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


All of us have gone through pretty much the same things? No way.

If anyone wants to drive me up a fucking wall, say "I know how you feel". No matter how much you tell someone, they will never truly know how you feel unless somehow they could be in your exact shoes. I even make it a point to tell anyone I'm listening to, to actually say "I can relate to that" because to me there is a big difference.

Just becasome someone is empathetic doens't mean they can understand my pains, and no matter how much i divulge, no one will be able to truly understand.

Sure if you say so, and if you believe that than I truly feel for you.

[Dizardak]

Usually people won't offer up a shoulder to cry on unless the person is giving out signs/hints that they want/need someone to talk to

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Fingerprint
first, you need a drink...

second....atleast people are attempting to listen....what i find worse than trying to talk to someone who doesn't know jack about me(which is alot of people), is when i can't find anyone to listen.........

i dunno...can't really be picky with such things...

then again, do you feel like they actually mean it,or are just trying to be nice.....

1. Done

2. But are they really ATTEMPTING to listen? I would rather not talk to anyone than talk to someone who doesn't know jack.

I'm picky because it boils down to trust, and that I'm putting a lot into that person to keep the things discussed between me and them.

You're last statement, i think they are doing what in their mind they feel is the right thing, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[Buddafly]

cliff is a wonderful person- it's a very sweet thing you offer.

sometimes the most helpful thing somebody can do is not to give advice, but just listen.

[Shawn_E]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


I will never say "I'm here for you" unless I'm willing to go the distance. I hate it when people say that shit and in the end they're really not, they're just trying to give off an appearance that they care and make themselves feel like they are a better person.

On this board, there are only three people I'm "there for" and I'm prepared to do anything for them.. and I mean anything. There are different degrees of being there for someone, and there are other people i would do a lot for, but i wouldn't lay my life down on the line for them.

My loyalty is unwavered and the best out there.... superficiality will not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form. Any new acquaintance that i get to know displaying those qualities will quickly find themselves on the outside looking in very quickly.

It sucks, but time is the fire in which we burn, and I value it highly, and I despise people wasting it.

It's theirs to waste.

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Dizardak
Usually people won't offer up a shoulder to cry on unless the person is giving out signs/hints that they want/need someone to talk to

There is some truth to this statement, but sometimes I can be in a bad fucking mood and others just happen to witness it. Doesn't mean, "hey, you, talk to me"

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Shawn_E


It's theirs to waste.

It's a two way street, and there is no sense in wasting anyone's time.

[Milkman John]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


Just becasome someone is empathetic doens't mean they can understand my pains, and no matter how much i divulge, no one will be able to truly understand.

i'm not gonna begin to try and even relate to anything you say, cause i don't know you,or shit about you, but i will say this...everyone has pain....while some people get to go through life feeling minimal amounts of trauma....the rest get shit on...

it's life, and don't try to martyr yourself through your pain. it's fucking disgusting.....and a waste of YOUR time

[tranKwilized]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


I will never say "I'm here for you" unless I'm willing to go the distance. I hate it when people say that shit and in the end they're really not, they're just trying to give off an appearance that they care and make themselves feel like they are a better person.


Exactly.

I've only thrown that phrase out maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life, and I've meant it every time.

If your truely trying to help someone than you better have the time to sit, listen, fully evaluate the situation, and provide some un-biased feedback. I say un-biased because if all your going to do is sit there and tell me how right I am, even if I'm not, than your not helping. If your out to really help you better be ready provide your honest opinion otherwise don't bother.

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Buddafly
cliff is a wonderful person- it's a very sweet thing you offer.

sometimes the most helpful thing somebody can do is not to give advice, but just listen.

No doubt, and thank you ma'am. You know you is my girl and shit.

Elitist circle form :wink:

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Fingerprint


i'm not gonna begin to try and even relate to anything you say, cause i don't know you,or shit about you, but i will say this...everyone has pain....while some people get to go through life feeling minimal amounts of trauma....the rest get shit on...

it's life, and don't try to martyr yourself through your pain. it's fucking disgusting.....

Dude for once I'm not being a dick and you've got to say something like this.

I don't think I ever said that not everyone has pain, or even implied such a concept.

As far as me martyring myself? Was this comment really necessary, do you see me dishing out my personal life right now? I think not.

[Milkman John]

read edit...

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Fingerprint


it's life, and don't try to martyr yourself through your pain. it's fucking disgusting.....and a waste of YOUR time

To me, that's living in the past, and a complete different subject that's worthwhile discussion.

[Buddafly]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


Elitist circle form :wink:

:grouphug:

[Milkman John]

(personal crap below, not meant to elicit sympathy, but to show a point,in a much better place now)

about 4 years ago, my dad died. cancer. i watched him slowly die. it was pure fucking hell. and for about 2 years i went around having this chip on my shoulder thinking NO ONE knew my pain, no one could feel the same fucking way i did, and fuck all of those that tried, buncha bullshit empathy,right?...i was dead wrong...everyone feels pain, and alot of people out there do give two shits, whether or not you think they do when they ask you such questions...if i had realized this, i would have saved myself 2 miserable years where i drank entirely way too much and got a tad bit violent...shit isn't healthy....those 3 people you have loyalty to? how about them....guarantee they would do the same for you....yeah, you may run into the occasional bullshitter who will say anything to you, but fuck 'em...don't waste your time on people like that...i keep my circle of friends very small, and like it that way....less fake bullshit and drama....i could go on, but imma shut up
(end personal crap, back to talking about sex)

the "no one feels my pain" bit

it ain't true.....may not be me, but some one does....

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Buddafly


:grouphug:

On that note, I'm out, gotta get ready for tonight.

Becky, you guys can swing by jrobs and we can all ride together if you guys want. Someone is being bad about returning messages, so i'm putting it in your hands.

peaceout.

[The Logic Theorist]

Personally I will offer to be there for acquaintences if I feel they are good people, and I mean it. I follow through every time, to the best of my ability. I will offer to listen, and I will listen. I will advise if I think my advice is worthwhile, otherwise I will keep silent. This has absolutely nothing to do with feeling plurry about myself, and it is not an idle statement.

If you can't talk to someone who doesn't know your past and present then that's what works for you. I personally have found that sometimes people I barely know can give me exactly what I need, which is just some basic compassion and support. It's nice to be honestly reminded every now and then that there are good people out there. I know certain people here who were there for me when they barely knew me kept me from totally losing it after I first moved here. Honestly some of those problems were trivial, but it's that much more meaningful that they weren't judged from outside.

You asked for thoughts, there they are ;)

[Yakko Red]

The only person I opened up to that I barely knew was a certain person on this board I used to be close with. It was a over a year ago and it was when I just moved up to this part of the country, and after I had been wandering aimlessly for a few years here and there. At the time I was just vulnerable because I had NO ONE at all to talk to... I don't regret it but it's the only instance where I completely opened up to someone that was pretty much a stranger.

Just an added thought.

[badkitty3804]

:puppydog:

[Gizmo]

When I say "you can talk to me" or "let me know if you need anything" I mean it. I welcome wholeheartedly a literal interpretation of both --- and in fact I'd be pretty hurt if someone responded flat-out with "yeah right."

This is why the word "love" doesn't mean anything anymore.

And I feel really terrible for the shallow individuals who toss out these offers like confetti and cause people like you, Cliff, to feel alone, alienated, and lied to, because it really shafts those people who actually mean it. Like me.

[badkitty3804]

I heard "you can talk to me" a lot this week. Some people meant it, some people didn't.

[bkidz]

I've only said "I love you" to only 2 people in my life, outside of my family.

The first person I said "I love you" to was my gf in highschool/college. She ripped my heart to shreads when she broke up with me. It took me 7 years to find someone that deserved those three words, now we're getting married and I say it to her everyday and it means everything when I say it. I know that no matter how bad things get she's always going to say it back and mean it.

[bkidz]

Honestly, I am very trusting and giving. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and want to believe that everyone is inherently good. I have been burned before, because of my willingness to help and do feel jaded sometimes in that aspect, but I still hold out hope that my helping hand will never be taken for granted.

:thumbsup:

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Gizmo


And I feel really terrible for the shallow individuals who toss out these offers like confetti and cause people like you, Cliff, to feel alone, alienated, and lied to, because it really shafts those people who actually mean it. Like me.

I don't feel in any way alone or alienated... and lied to might be some sort of an extreme, I just think the superficiality of the situation is pathetic. It really just annoys me to the point where I want to be "feelings aren't like toys, they can't be just shared at just a request"

To a degree, people that I barely know have offered to talk to me recently and I just shut them out, so I'm just trying to explain my take on why I don't share. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, it's just that my feelings are can't be dealt out, a friendship must be the foundation for such a thing to occur.

So I guess I'm explaining my reserved ways and seeing if anyone else can identify with me, and their thoughts on it.

Am I making any sense?

[DaMetroGnome]

I think that sometimes it's good to get an unbiased opinion. A person who doesn't know you as well will probably be able to cast a different perspective for you than someone who already knows you and what you may want to hear.

Then again, I'm the kind of person that will help a total stranger just because that's the kind of person I am. When I offer someone something, I mean it, and expect nothing in return. But if people don't want my help, I'm not going to force them to take it.

[retail]

just remember there is a fine line between sharing your pain and involuntarily inflicting it upon the ones who love you most.

my $.02, and not directed toward anyone in particular...

[Muramasa]

I hate that some people feel this way. I hate the fact that it's other people that are to blame for it.

I know I say phrases like "I'm here for you." or "I know how you feel." a lot. I do. The reason? Because I mean it. There are plenty of other people out there who are the same way, and I hope they don't get overlooked due to a defense mechanism of believing that we're all... well, at least the individual believes that they're some sort of delicate, unique little snowflake. In a sense, we all are... but we're all made of water, too. It's silly for anyone to think any emotion that they feel is uncommon with others, IMO.

:shrug:
This is only based on my experience in life, however. I'd drop anything that I'm doing to help even an acquaintence. Why? Because someone has to take the first step.

[velvetgoldmire]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


I don't feel in any way alone or alienated... and lied to might be some sort of an extreme, I just think the superficiality of the situation is pathetic. It really just annoys me to the point where I want to be "feelings aren't like toys, they can't be just shared at just a request"

To a degree, people that I barely know have offered to talk to me recently and I just shut them out, so I'm just trying to explain my take on why I don't share. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, it's just that my feelings are can't be dealt out, a friendship must be the foundation for such a thing to occur.

So I guess I'm explaining my reserved ways and seeing if anyone else can identify with me, and their thoughts on it.

Am I making any sense?
I could understand why you would think it could be superficial... afterall, a good number of people are really superficial, and when you get burned by putting your trust in people, it can make you really wary to opening yourself up to them.

I think that when some people offer an ear, maybe your right and they're just saying it to cover their bases, but I also know that when others say it, it's because they don't like seeing people they like in pain, and maybe that person DOES need someone to talk to.

I will offer an ear and any advice to anyone I care about on any level, which is quite a few people. Often times, it really opens up the doors to having a lot in common (not neccissarily experiences, but the way in which we deal with problems and our thought processes), and leads to deeper friendships.

It's also a matter of who you can trust and who you can't with your peronal problems and information. Will the person use it against you at any time? Will they think you owe them one? I am fortunate in having a good number of people who I can trust with what's on my mind. It might just be me, but finding someone to truly and sincerely listen to you when you have a problem, just because they care, is not that hard to find.


Also, I don't think that shrinks are bullshit. Psychologists have been incredibly helpful in getting me through some rough patches in my time. I have a lot of friend who go to them for help, and get it. Shrinks are nonjudgmental, they have heard everything from depresion to schitzophrania, and, personally, they have offered me advise and tips that nobody else I've talked to has come up with. It is a matter of finding one who you can talk with, but people need to realize that they are doctors... they are there to help you get better.

[orangeglow]

I've found that sometimes talking to someone who doesn't know your past and present all that well can be pretty damn helpful. They are a totally unbiased ear, they aren't already holding judgements about you or your lifestyle, and they can really be good for just listening. Granted, they may not be able to provide the greatest advice not knowing what a close friend would, but they are sometimes better listeners, because they try to figure out where this problem is situated in your day to day life, and ask questions that make you question how it affects other aspects of your life that close friends would assume they know the answers to.

[Fetterbug]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


All of us have gone through pretty much the same things? No way.

If anyone wants to drive me up a fucking wall, say "I know how you feel". No matter how much you tell someone, they will never truly know how you feel unless somehow they could be in your exact shoes. I even make it a point to tell anyone I'm listening to, to actually say "I can relate to that" because to me there is a big difference.

Just becasome someone is empathetic doens't mean they can understand my pains, and no matter how much i divulge, no one will be able to truly understand.


You're right. Nobody can know exactly what you've been through...so it's always tough to hear "I know how you feel." In reality they have no idea, and probably never will. That's why I usually don't divulge heavy things to people who offer to lend an ear. #1, they won't understand, #2, will they really care to hear the story after they have offered?

However, even though noone can know exactly what you're feeling, there's a good chance they may be able to relate to you on some level. Everybody's different, but everybody has had shit to wade through.

I think it's best just to rely on those you know you can trust, the ones that will listen to your problems, and not offer a similar one of theirs.....those who will listen wholeheartedly, and comfort you without having to say a word.

[lupitanahsee]

I will honestly sit and listen to most any of my friends and acquaintances when they are in need; however, i will only offer up advice to those i know well (which is only about a handfull of people) and can give them something solid.

most times when people need to "talk" to someone else, its a rant needed for them to vocalize their feelings and sort out the jumbles of random bullshit floating around in their heads. having that outlet and the act of putting thoughts into words helps people find a path of action about whatever it is theyre fretting over...and this path of action is almost always their own epiphany. they could have very well come to the realization talking to a mirror.

[Mandaba]

cliff, if you can hump my leg, i can offer an ear to talk too.

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

I could understand why you would think it could be superficial... afterall, a good number of people are really superficial, and when you get burned by putting your trust in people, it can make you really wary to opening yourself up to them.

I think that when some people offer an ear, maybe your right and they're just saying it to cover their bases, but I also know that when others say it, it's because they don't like seeing people they like in pain, and maybe that person DOES need someone to talk to.

I will offer an ear and any advice to anyone I care about on any level, which is quite a few people. Often times, it really opens up the doors to having a lot in common (not neccissarily experiences, but the way in which we deal with problems and our thought processes), and leads to deeper friendships.

It's also a matter of who you can trust and who you can't with your peronal problems and information. Will the person use it against you at any time? Will they think you owe them one? I am fortunate in having a good number of people who I can trust with what's on my mind. It might just be me, but finding someone to truly and sincerely listen to you when you have a problem, just because they care, is not that hard to find.


Also, I don't think that shrinks are bullshit. Psychologists have been incredibly helpful in getting me through some rough patches in my time. I have a lot of friend who go to them for help, and get it. Shrinks are nonjudgmental, they have heard everything from depresion to schitzophrania, and, personally, they have offered me advise and tips that nobody else I've talked to has come up with. It is a matter of finding one who you can talk with, but people need to realize that they are doctors... they are there to help you get better.

:thumbsup:

[MattaKnox]

Originally posted by Yakko Red


:thumbsup:

stop posting for the discount, biatch.

[JOEYd]

*all this bad shit happened*


so, sounds like life has been a little rough for a lot of you.

just remember, if things get to be too much to handle, you can always talk to me.:D

:plur:

[Milkman John]

or you can kick him in the shins

[Jungle_Love]

If I notice someone that looks like they need help, I will offer it to them. I am just that kinda person.I guess thats why Im getting a degree in pscyhology. But I feel that if a person talks about they're problems, they can let them go.

True it does depend on the problem, but sometimes someone's objective opinion i just the thing you need.

And for the record, shrinks are not all bad. I will admit I hate alot of them. Espcially some of my teachers. But its unfair to say that they all suck. Actually, most of the people that are studying psychology are doing it because they are f*cked up themselves.

[Jungle_Love]

If I notice someone that looks like they need help, I will offer it to them. I am just that kinda person.I guess thats why Im getting a degree in pscyhology. But I feel that if a person talks about they're problems, they can let them go.

True it does depend on the problem, but sometimes someone's objective opinion i just the thing you need.

And for the record, shrinks are not all bad. I will admit I hate alot of them. Espcially some of my teachers. But its unfair to say that they all suck. Actually, most of the people that are studying psychology are doing it because they are f*cked up themselves.

[Jungle_Love]

WTF?

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Jungle_Love


And for the record, shrinks are not all bad. I will admit I hate alot of them. Espcially some of my teachers. But its unfair to say that they all suck. Actually, most of the people that are studying psychology are doing it because they are f*cked up themselves.

I've been to a few shrinks here and there, and for the most part, they don't help me out at all. One of the things in life that I cannot stand is to be told how I "supposedly" really feel. If I say I feel one way, I'm pretty sure I feel that way for the reasons I stated. People telling me how I feel just gets under my skin like no one would ever believe.

If I need an objective opinion, my friends and I are on pretty good terms where they can give me such a thing, and not for some outrageous hourly rate.

[Wickity]

You know Yakko, you are just feeling like a psychologist doesn't really know you. You don't like giving out personal information to someone that you feel has no point of reference in your life. It's alright to feel that way, but you should really try to overcome these feelings, and move on to a healthier way. Share your emotions, we all know what you're feeling anyway... We all love you...

And if you ever feel overwhelmed, rest assured, you can always come talk to me if you need it. :yes:

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Wickity
we all know what you're feeling anyway....


I hope the two things I'm feeling right now only a very few people know..... 5 people to be precise.

Somethings are so much better left unsaid.

[Wickity]

LOL.. Interesting...

So you actually catalogue how many people have current insight into Yakko?

[Yakko Red]

Not really catalogue... but it's the members of the "usual suspects" I run with and also one other person who I have a lot of faith and trust in.

It's quality over quantity, and the quality right now is at the best it's ever been.

[Wickity]

LOL, well, I'm glad to hear it..

I was just trolling... But I'm glad to hear you have a quality crowd..

[Jungle_Love]

Alot of psychologists ARE a pain in the ass. But most of them get into the field because they genuinly WANT to help. Its just a plus that they are so well paid. But the real psychologists are the ones that help people even when they cant pay.

The basic reasoning behind psychology is that when people are really screwed up, they need real help. If a person can work it out on their own.. more power to them. But to severely f-ed up people, it is in their mind where the problem is in the first place. so how are they to use their mind to fix it.

BTW im talking about more than just you're everyday depression and anxiety.
sorry to argue but i have to defend my life's calling!!

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Jungle_Love
Alot of psychologists ARE a pain in the ass. But most of them get into the field because they genuinly WANT to help. Its just a plus that they are so well paid. But the real psychologists are the ones that help people even when they cant pay.

The basic reasoning behind psychology is that when people are really screwed up, they need real help. If a person can work it out on their own.. more power to them. But to severely f-ed up people, it is in their mind where the problem is in the first place. so how are they to use their mind to fix it.

BTW im talking about more than just you're everyday depression and anxiety.
sorry to argue but i have to defend my life's calling!!

That's cool, it's just a personal opinion I'm flexing anyways, psychologists are just like cheeseburgers, they work for some people, and some people just hate them. :D

MMMMM... cheeseburgers....

[buzzboy]

Originally posted by badkitty3804
I see this a lot.

It's kind of like when someone says "Hi, How ya doing?" and then look at you like you're nuts because you tell them.

It's simply a 'sentiment'. :shrug: like when you say "did yu have a ggod weekend?" do you really care if they even answer?

[velvetgoldmire]

It's called polite conversation. Usually when somone asks "How was your weekend," it leads into "What did you do" which leads into "Oh how was that," which leads into more conversation. Or, if someone isn't doing well, you ask them why? See if they have anything they want to get off their chest.

God, are people really that desperate to complain about something that they have to complain about polite conversation?

[buzzboy]

i thought it was cause they couldnt just walk past me in the hallway and be silent like me :shrug:

[ZFunnyGirl]

what i say, i mean. too bad most the rest of the world operates differently. can you imagine if no one talked out their ass? if someone says, "you can talk to me," you can know they won't fake on you if/when you do?

in that world, marriages would probably keep, and lawyers would be out...

[DNAgirl]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

I think that when some people offer an ear, maybe your right and they're just saying it to cover their bases, but I also know that when others say it, it's because they don't like seeing people they like in pain, and maybe that person DOES need someone to talk to.

I will offer an ear and any advice to anyone I care about on any level, which is quite a few people. Often times, it really opens up the doors to having a lot in common (not neccissarily experiences, but the way in which we deal with problems and our thought processes), and leads to deeper friendships.

It's also a matter of who you can trust and who you can't with your peronal problems and information. Will the person use it against you at any time? Will they think you owe them one? I am fortunate in having a good number of people who I can trust with what's on my mind. It might just be me, but finding someone to truly and sincerely listen to you when you have a problem, just because they care, is not that hard to find.

:werd: Rob. I always mean it when I offer and ear to listen or support. I think in this case, it also depends on who is saying this to you. Rob has an amazing set of friends, and so do I.

I think, first of all, its more important to just listen. And I think giving advice is a whole nother thing. Not everybody is ready to hear the truth. They, for the most part, aren't ready to change. Openly telling them the truth could probably just hurt them or have them shy away from you as well. There are other ways of getting your message across, but sometimes it is very inappropriate to tell someone close to you what you think they should acctually do with their problem.

In the case of shrinks. To each their own, I'm sure there are a bunch of quacks out there...but I have not had a bad experience. A shrink can offer you a way to look at your situation from another angle. They are also an unbiased opinion, which can be worth the money to see them. I think that somethings in life aren't able to be told to everyone, because NOT everyone can relate and acctually give you advice. This is what a therapist does, and I honestly wish more people would be accepting of them as well. Mainly because you can't push someone to face their problems.

Sorry this is so long.

[orangeglow]

Originally posted by buzzboy
i thought it was cause they couldnt just walk past me in the hallway and be silent like me :shrug:

*walks past Chris, averts eyes, doesn't acknowledge his presence*

[BuzzCat]

Originally posted by A.J. Inx
Shrinks are full of a lot of B.S., too... Some are good, and if you've been going to a particularly good doctor for an extended amount of time, they can usually asses the problem and offer some helpful advice... but that's about it...

And at between $100 - $200 a visit, that's some fuckin' expensive advice....

sorry, I know this is from a few pages ago but
....

shrinks aren't suppose to give advice persay, they're really suppose to be a tookbox to let you figure out things for yourself. a toolbox that talks.

that credit goes to missabear, who is slowly convincing me that maybe seeing someong isn't giving in.

[buzzboy]

Originally posted by orangeglow


*walks past Chris, averts eyes, doesn't acknowledge his presence* i usually nod or aknowledge their presence somehow just not with words, usually just a smile :D . :shrug:

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire
It's called polite conversation. Usually when somone asks "How was your weekend," it leads into "What did you do" which leads into "Oh how was that," which leads into more conversation. Or, if someone isn't doing well, you ask them why? See if they have anything they want to get off their chest.

God, are people really that desperate to complain about something that they have to complain about polite conversation?

I can't stand polite conversation, but I'm not going to complain about it.

[Jungle_Love]

Well, if anyone wants to talk to me, they can I always care about what anyone has to ..... whats that? Family Guy is on??
Well I guess ill catch up wit ya lata. peace.

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by Yakko Red
Everyone has issues in their lives... and people can somtimes tell that under the surface there is a lot going on.

Personally, i can't talk to anyone that doesn't know my past and my present. If I'm going to divulge about what is bothering me or has me down, I'm basically revealing cracks in my walls and showing vulnerability. Either that or I'm revealing a part of me or a part of my past that I don't want to be very public knowledge That's something you can't trust any Joe Schmo with in my opinion....

If I'm going to talk to someone, they need to know all the aspects of my life, at least the current ones. (the past ones are on a need to know basis)


(my attempt to bring a decent thread to this board)

AHEM...

...just wanted to resurrect the important part of this.

:yakkored:

[Yakko Red]

Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

[breaks princess]

Check pm's cliff.

[terpsichorean]

Originally posted by Yakko Red
I guess Karma is a bitch when you do fucked up shit.



:yes:

[buzzboy]

:sadblue:

Cliff you got my celly, use it.

[Mandaba]

my cell phone is usually attached to my hand, if you want the # let me know cliff, i'll pick up.

[n-root]

Cliff,
I know how turbulent and shitty things in life can be. We have always been amicable and chill and I respect you. While I wont say 'call me if you need to talk', you hear it enough and talking aint always a propper fix. However, know that you're in my thoughts and prayers and ummmm .... yeah .. all that jazz. Good luck in everything, dude.

[badkitty3804]

You didn't HAVE to be alone on Christmas, all you had to do was pick up your phone, you can't just wait for everything and everyone to just know what you want or need. Sometimes you have to chase happiness down and beat it into submission with a crobar.

[cleophite]

or *whipcrack* that biznatch into submission. dom style.

[Gizmo]

Originally posted by badkitty3804
Sometimes you have to chase happiness down and beat it into submission with a crobar.

Wow.

What an awesome quote.


:lessthanthree:

[Julierose]

:stupid:

[badkitty3804]

Sometimes my mind actually works in the AM.

:shrug:

Thanks :wink:

[Yakko Red]

Originally posted by terpsichorean


:yes:

:smooch:

[retail]

:chug

[Jungleluv09]

It's true that one should not be too trusting of others with personal thoughts, feelings, and experience, but how does one draw a line? It all depends on the person, I guess. I can tell you anything about myself, but nothing I tell you can bring harm to myself in any way. By staying retracted from people completely, I would think it would just make it hard to find friends. Everyone has to start to get to know a person somewhere, whether at the club, or at your school. I think the only way to make good friends is to be a good friend. Then, through trial and error, determine whom to keep as a friend.

[Jungleluv09]

First impressions make you, and secondary impressions break you.

[sychie]

you've posted a lot of stuff (yakko) that has made me think a lot or i have agreed with. this one....yeah...
i have recently gone through a lot of shit with friends of varying degrees about these topics and related....my biggest annoyance? problem? is/was the "oh yeah, i'm here for you, talk to me, etc..." and then when i do open my mouth i realize they were just saying it for the hell of it. an acquataince (sp?), yeah. one of my (so i thought) closest friends--that's just bullshit. i am a big believer in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. i do tell people that i am here to listen to them if they ever want to talk, because i am a giver and a listener and i will do it. (both people i am close to and not, though i do appreciate the difficulties in talking to a person who doesn't know your life now and past) i guess the side of it i was dealing with was finally wanting/needing to talk and have people *really* listen to me, and no one could really do it when it mattered most--leading to a 36hour crying, screaming, breaking shit breakdown, which in turn lead to people listening. for a week. and now back to the same bullshit. i guess i just get so pissed off about it because i try to do everything i can to be there for my friends, and anyone else who may need it...and it just feels like i get shit in return.
yeah, i know i left your original rant here, but you got me thinking (which is a compliment), and i see a correlation of sorts. i guess the relation is that i get a lot of "you can talk to me" from people i can't (as you were talking about), or from people who just won't listen, and it sometimes seems that no matter how loud i scream, no one hears what i really have to say. and when you're willing to break your back for the people you care about (as i know you have done), it's a real bitch.

i guess i'll stop ranting and maybe try to make sense to myself.
hope things have worked out for you.

[Wickity]

Originally posted by Yakko Red
Everyone has issues in their lives... and people can somtimes tell that under the surface there is a lot going on.

That's when people decided to be a helpful ear and say "You can always talk to me..." I want to point out that it's very sincere that people offer that up, but at the same time I also think "are you fucking kidding me?"

When someone says that to me, I appreciate it, I really do. To be honest though, how can you reveal what's going on behind the eyes you view the world with to someone that doesn't know you that well?

Personally, i can't talk to anyone that doesn't know my past and my present. If I'm going to divulge about what is bothering me or has me down, I'm basically revealing cracks in my walls and showing vulnerability. Either that or I'm revealing a part of me or a part of my past that I don't want to be very public knowledge That's something you can't trust any Joe Schmo with in my opinion....

If I'm going to talk to someone, they need to know all the aspects of my life, at least the current ones. (the past ones are on a need to know basis)

I catch myself being hypocritical because I have offered the same to others I barely know, but also I feel it's something you ask once, asking twice is pushing it. I also don't tell many people they can talk to me, because I honestly couldn't give a fuck about you if you're not one of my friends. (acquaintances are not friends... people that just say hi to me at a club are just acquaintances... keep that in mind)

Thoughts?

(my attempt to bring a decent thread to this board)


I have often been a confidant for many people. Some of them were very close to me, some were in my own family. Some I had just met for the first time.

When someone says "you can talk to me", and then doesn't listen, it's not because the sentiment is false, it's because they're jackasses...

I for one don't need to know about all your history, I just know that sometimes people need to get something off their chests.. and I'm happy to do that for them. I don't share information freely that I've learned, because that would betray the trust a person put in me.

Obviously, others don't respect that trust as much as I do, but that's for you to decide whether or not you believe in the sympathetic person.

If we can't offer you support as friends, Cliff.. I don't know how we could be closer to you.. If you don't want to let anyone in, that's fine... But don't look one way saying, "Why can't I have more or closer friends" while holding back the people who want to do that on the other side.

I've talked with you a couple of times, and you've never really confided in me.. Which is fine, it was never in an environment to lead to that, but I'm more than happy to talk with you if you need someone..

So, as much as you hate to hear it.. feel free to talk to me.

[sychie]

Originally posted by Wickity

When someone says "you can talk to me", and then doesn't listen, it's not because the sentiment is false, it's because they're jackasses...

heh. yup.
and this is one of the things that drives me most insane...i guess it's more a symptom of the things that drive me nuts...

bleh, people suck (yeah, i know i'm a person, too, to refer to another thread about that--just having a shitty day):FUBAR:

[DeAtHmOnGeR bEaR]

I agree with Chris. If I offer to have someone talk to me, it's cause I care enough to sit down and listen. I don't have to know what's going on previously, I'm just there to be a shoulder.

And I never say it to people unless I mean it. That's the way it should be :yes:

[sychie]

Originally posted by Funshine
And I never say it to people unless I mean it. That's the way it should be :yes:

yes, yes, yes...

but so few people manage to do that.....and that is what makes the world suck a bit more sometimes......

[Muramasa]

If you want to light a cigarette, you've gotta play with fire.
:D

[LadyJ]

Originally posted by Wickity



I have often been a confidant for many people. Some of them were very close to me, some were in my own family. Some I had just met for the first time.

:yes: Chris is a super-good listener. Especially in the middle of the night when you're not even really making sense but just whining.:affection:

[housecat]

Yes he is. I heart Chris he is def a good confidant.


:affection:

[tigermomma]

:werd:

and he gives very good advice :lessthanthree:

[housecat]

:werd:

I gots that boys back like :whoa:

:yourock: Chris :)

[tigermomma]

:plur:

[LadyJ]

Wow, Chris. It looks like you have a fan club!:D

[tigermomma]

:ANden:

[Gizmo]

I like Chris too. He's fun to talk to and he has nice blue hair like an anime character.

[method]

i would imagine that it is meant as a condolence. generally conveying that you actually care about what that person is going through; even if you don't expect them to take you up on the offer.


I catch myself being hypocritical because I have offered the same to others I barely know


to my recollection, i've never extended that particular offer to someone whom i didn't know well. if i feel compelled to console someone i don't know very well, i usually opt for something like "you'll feel better soon, don't worry".

[Wickity]

:blush:

Wow.. thanks guys. :D

[housecat]

:plur: we mean it you're a great friend :smooch: